Park and Ani

Distract me for a bit

"Mani" he breathed out.

Leaning my head against the headrest I sigh at the bewilderment in his voice. I know he's going to have so many questions. Questions I'm not ready to answer. I don't think I ever will be.

"Where have you been? Everyone has been so worried and Ryder and Blake have been acting really weird."

I'm filled with guilt when I think about the red headed twins. They were never supposed to find out and ever since they did they're left unstable every time I leave. "They'll be okay I called them earlier." I can hear his scoff and I know he's not impressed with my answer.

"That doesn't answer my question Mani. Where have you been?"

"I heard you made state, congrats." I'm avoiding his question and I'm sure he realizes that. Looking over at my mother I can see her heavily wiping at her eyes purposely avoiding my gaze. I know she feels guilt for us even being in this predicament but she refuses to believe me when I say it isn't her fault. "Mani I just want to know if you're okay."

Smiling softly I look back out the window admiring how the rain looks in the sunset. "That's the golden question isn't it Park." I whisper my voice not even loud enough to be heard over the rain. "What do you mean?" Laughing slightly I lean my cheek on the cool glass. I should've know he would hear me. Always attentive.

"Nothing." I say with fake enthusiasm. "Tell me about your meet."

"Mani..."

"Distract me for a bit Park." I whisper barely holding back my tears.

It isn't fair. I don't have anyone to blame because the whole thing was an accident. It's stupid of me not to be angry with him but it's also stupid if I am. He didn't know what he was doing. Thinking back on my conversation with Ryder his stance on the matter was very clear when he told me how I should cut him completely out of my life. He doesn't understand, that's 20 times harder than keeping him close.

Closing my eyes I try to pay attention to what Park is saying but it's clear that neither of us are paying attention. "Mani."

Humming out a response I wait for even more of his questions. It's hard to lie to my friends about this but for some reason it's even harder to keep it from him.

"Please just tell me where you are."

"Just now passing the welcome to Washington sign."

I can hear his intake of breath at finding out that I'm driving back into the state. I guess he just thought I was in the next town over. Not all the way in Arkansas. He sighed when he realized I'm not going to tell him where I've been and why I left and again I'm filled with guilt.

"I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry Parker I don't know what I was thinking."

"No!" He says surprising the both of us. Clearing his throat I can sense his sadness over the line.

"Why are you sad?"

Smiling lightly I become aware that a tear is slipping down my cheek. "What makes you say that?"

"You didn't call me Park." He whispers sadness in his tone.

"See you tomorrow Parker." and I hang up the phone.

My mom reaches over grabbing my hand as we both begin to cry.

******************************

Waking up that morning took more out of me than I thought it would. My eyes feel swollen shut from crying myself to sleep and my hair is a birds nest from forgetting to do it last night. Staring up at the ceiling I convince myself to roll out of bed even though I would prefer not to.