A Hard Lesson

Part 10

I couldn't fall asleep that night... Every single time, when I closed my eyes, I kept memorizing Brendon and the way he had pulled me in and pushed me away all at once. I was afraid, I was afarad that once I got back to the faculty, he might pretend that nothing had happened. And I didn't want that. No, for the very first time I knew what I wanted from Him. And those weren't just relationships, which student and professor might have. No, I wanted more. Whom I was even kidding? I wanted it all.

I grabbed my phone and unlocked it's screen. For some reason I touched the messenger's icon and it revealed me the window with my last conversations... The green dot! He was online.

I tapped his name to open the conversation and my heart skipped a beat, when I saw three dots jumping on the screen ("..."). He was writing something... He was thinking about me.

It felt like forever, until I saw one simple word from Brendon's side.

B: Hey

I frowned. That's it? Hey? It felt irritating... well, but at least he wrote to me... and he wrote to me first.

R: Hey!

I wrote back and there was a moment of silence, until I saw the same dots jumping on the screen again.

B: I feel awful... I can't even fall asleep.

R: Why? What's wrong?

I wrote it, even if I knew what the reason was.

B: I believe that I have crossed all the red lines with you, have I not?

I read his reply and it made me thoughtful. It seemed that he did regret the situation in the car. And... well, if we did analyze it, he probably was right. However, the silace, which followed after his conclusion, indicated that he was expecting for my own opinion, not the society's, which would most definitely call him guilty in this situation.

I sighed and started typing.

"I don't think that any of us should feel guilty, that's what we wanted..." Nope... I deleted the sentence, it made me sound cheap. I thought for few more seconds until I tried to answer him once more. "You can always draw new red lines." I erased it as well, because it made me think that I gave him a signal to back off, and that was the last thing I would want now.

This was actually hard. I mean, I had to give him an answer... at least something. And then I realized that that was exactly what I needed to tell him. I mean, we were both grown ups, weren't we? I wasn't under age, I was 20. Who cares if he was my professor? Maybe this was fate. I will not risk losing it.

R: Brendon, I just like you.

My reply was simple and it did not contain any hidden messages and I saw that he read it, but that was it. No answer... he didn't even try to compose another message, since I did not notice any kind of sign from his side, not even those usual jumping dots.

I think that I spent awake for more than an hour while staring at the screen and hoping to get at least some kind of answer. Even after he logged off I thought that maybe he was just busy or confused...However my hopes faded as the minutes passed... I feel asleep without getting a proper answer from Mr. Urie's side.

_____

I woke up from the buzzing sound, which came from the left side of my head.

The room was already lit up by the daylight and it did not cause my any problems to find my phone, which was the source of the sound. I was way too sleepy to look at the screen, instead I tapped the screen and put it close to my ear.

"I am listening..." I muttered, my voice still tired and filled with exhaustion.

"Listen to me, it is still early, but it is late for me... I haven't slept for a single second..." I heard his voice, and I recognized Brendon instantly. "The journey with me won't be an easy one, I know it better than anyone else. It might even get messy from time to time,  but, whatever happens, I will be there to protect you, I promise."

I rubbed my eyes, while frowning my eyebrows. "Brendon, what are you talking about?" I did not understand the meaning behind this conversation.

"Ruby, I just like you." He spoke quietly on the other side of the phone, "I wish to get to know you better."

I was fully awake now and my heart was racing as I listened to his confession. I found myself smiling like an idiot, but I was unable to respond... I couldn't find the right words.

"Can I see you anytime soon?" Brendon spoke again and I started nodding my head quickly, not realizing that he was unable to see that.

"Ruby?"

"Y-yes..." I finally breathed out, happy that I was able to speak again.

I heard him chuckle on the other side of the phone and I could picture his facial expression, which would appear on his face, when he was amused by someone.

"Good... I am glad that we had this conversation."

"Me too..." I replied, thought my voice was slightly shaking.

"Okay. Goodbye, Ruby."

"Goodbye, Mr. Urie."

He hung up, but I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling stupid and irrational. He had just told me that he wanted to get to know me better, but I called him Mr. Urie.... Good job, Ruby, you rock... stupid, stupid, stupid girl.