Panda Eyes //Calm/Ot4 5sos//

3: Lifeline

Oh god this was a bad idea. I sit in the car alone for a minute or two. Why am I so fucking awkward. I climb out of the car. Eyes wide as I see all of the people. Someone had already puked on the lawn. I thought parties didn't really start to three am but I guess the Tv's  wrong again.

I stall standing outside looking around as Calum and Ashton disappear into the house. I look over taken aback when I see Michael's green eyes staring at me.

"You coming?" He smiles at me unnervingly, sending a shiver down my spine. I nod.

"You don't talk much do you?" I nod in reply again not listening really.

"I want to fuck you in the ass," I just nodded again staring into space. Michael grabs my hand dragging me inside. All I see is people some laying down, some procreating, some dancing, singing, laughing, some passes out. One passed out in their own vomit and the entire place smelled of beer. And then I felt myself being pulled him grinding up against Michael. He's chest was strong but his was soft and I couldn't help but want to place my head on it and take a nap.

"What's your favorite color?" He says into my ear.

"Blue yours?"  I place my head in his neck, I finally feel safe.

"Um red," it took him a while to ask what was next.

"Hey Luke, thank you,"

"For what?" 

"Making Calum sing again,"

"Why'd he stop?" I look up inquisitively.

"Calum... he's just uh sad," I nod understanding, I'm sad too but I think I sing more now because honestly I stopped giving a fuck about everything.

"Hey, I bet I can out drink ya," Michael pulls me over to the counter where there are assorted amounts of alcohol.

"I wouldn't bet on me," he pours shots.

"Ready set go," he brings a drink up to his mouth and swallows it looking at me expecting and then I bring the cool glass to my lips and tilt it back. It burned my thought and I scrunched up my nose.

"You're cute," Michael smiles at me knocking back more shots. So I do the same until my head becomes dizzy.

"Is it supposed to feel like this?"  I splutter.

"Yes," he grabs my hand and I feel myself being pulled outside and then he began to dance on the lawn so I danced too. And I watched as he spun his white blonde hair falling into his eyes.

"Luke it's a good life you know?"

"I do know," he smiled and then took his shoes off so I did the same. He pulled me in close and I shivered.
I hated the fact that I think I was falling for him and that I need to be touched by someone for a long time.

I collapsed into his arms. I felt his lips on my cheek and I realized that maybe I didn't have to be alone all the time. I held him closer feeling his warmth but needed more. It was just the alcohol that was making me think like this. The alcohol tuning me int the shivering mess, a person who would do anything just to have Michael closer to him. 

"Luke?" He looks down at me gently

"Yes?"

"Do you need a lifeline?" I look at him, I'm taller but not right now I'm scrunched down like a small child in his grip.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Your sleeve rolled up before and I saw," I nod understanding.

" I don't do it anymore but if you wanted to be my life line I wouldn't mind" I trail off.

"If you don't mind me asking, why'd you do that to your beautiful skin?"

"Oliver,"  I sigh. I knew Michael wanted me to continue so I did. "He was mg best friend and then he...," I struggle for the words. "He uh raped me and I felt so so dirty and I tried to scratch it away, cut it away. But all I ever felt was his touch all over my body, his lips on my skin, his fingers running along me and I just wanted to die," I choke up as I remembered being shoved into the bathtub and crying but no one hearing me until my bothers, came home, Ben beat the shit of him as Jack called the police. And they saw naked and bruised and I know I will never get over that. Michael loosens his grip.

"I'm so sorry Lukey," he completely lets go. I shake my head.

"It's fine I'm over it," I lie shrugging it off.

"I'm sorry I held you, I over stepped my bounds," I look at him and I feel a spark run through me.

"Please, hold me some more, I forgot what it felt like to be touched," I sound desperate and I know it but I don't care and then he holds me and I collapse again. Crying lightly as he rubs my back.

I was definitely falling for Michael Clifford and if I was being honest I didn't want to stop.