Panda Eyes //Calm/Ot4 5sos//

6: Pressure

Calum still hadn't woken by the time the rest of us had finished eating. I sucked on my lip again as Ash shook him gently. Calum muttered softly, grunting eyes not opening. Ash wrapped his arms around him and cradled him like a baby. I watched in amazement as ash carried him with ease out to the car. Ash was the shortest of the group but his chest was broad and his muscles strong.

"You're getting heavy baby, I can't do this forever," I don't think he was just talking about Calum's weight when he was carrying him. But the worry, about Calum's habit was crushing him. I watched them for awhile sitting in the booth.

"Do you like him?" I look up at michael confused.

"Who?"

"Ash, everyone likes Ash," he looks at his hands like he's used to coming in last. I understand it. I've never been popular or invited places or liked.

"I uh he's dating Calum," I answer shakily.

"Do you like Calum?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Cause I like you, or at least I think I do," my heart drops to my stomach and my cheeks burn red. Michael can't like me we literally just met.

"Please don't lie to me Michael,"

"I wouldn't lie to you Luke," his hands find mine and he's kissing me, his lips pressed to mine hard. My eyes are closed and I feel hot. My first kiss and it was spectacular. I pull away.

"I like you two but we just met,"

"Why don't you live a little, luke?" Live a little I needed to live a little. We were kissing again as he stumbled into the men's bathroom. He lifted me on to the sink with ease. Sliding my shirt up and kissing down my midline. I'd lose it for him right here if I could. I moan gently my chest rising to meet my lips. His hands were on belt buckle. Was this happening? I watches as the metal slide apart. I gasp his palm was in my lap pushing down the pressure was growing the pleasure was growing.

"Need you,"he whispers breathlessly in my hear. I squeak and nod.

My thoughts were gone, my sadness removed.

In me I needed him in me. Lips on my neck, torso soft and sharp. Teeth grazing my skin.

Finally, finally.

I was a whore for his lips, his touch. I need more I needed the cold sharpens of his hands touching the wam flesh of my co...

I gasp as he undoes my zipper.

It shatters and he pulls away.

"Michael?" Ash stood staring eyes wide with innocence and betrayal. Mouth gaping a bit. He slammed it it shut grinding his teeth together. His eyes were cold and hard now looking at us.

Damn it. They're all dating which means I'm the dirty cheat.

I pull my shirt down and my zip my pants up.

"I'm s-sorry." I hop down.

"I'm not mad at you Luke, I'm mad at Michael for using you," I pale at Ashton's response, it was true wasn't he just wanted to hit it and never call me back.

"Luke it's not like that," Michaels green eyes pleaded with like he saying stay please stay.

"He's my friend Michael I'm not letting you use him like the others," Others. There were other did he just fuck whoever he pleased when he pleased. I feel my cheeks heat up and my nose scrunch. The tears came quickly after that as I backed out of room. Ashton followed carefully giving me space to breathe I was glad. He kept Michael at bay. I should pull myself together, I can't. Ash holds out his hands and I take it. Michael tries to touch my cheek I recoil being lead to the car by Ash.

I sit shot gun still crying. I was an idiot. An idiot whore. My thoughts darling pulling me back into my depression drowning I am drowning again.

I wanted to get out.

I gotta get out...

I sat shotgun, staring at the dark sky. Calum and Michael were in the backseat. I think Michael was apologizing but I couldn't hear him over the voices inside my head.

Worthless

Idiot

Whore

Slut

Fag

Unwanted

Homewreaker

Kill yourself

Kill yourself

Kill yourself.

The car fell into silence as Ashton drove. I wanted to die. Michael Clifford makes me want to die. The fact I want Michael makes me want to die. The fact I want Ashton makes me want to die. The fact I want Calum makes me want to die.

I look over to see two sets of panda eyes looking at me.

Ashton tearful eyes ringed with mascara and Michael's eyes ringed with red from lack of sleep.

"Where do you wanna go?" The said in unison.

"I don't know ," the silence consumed the car, no one moving, no one wanting to break it. I closed my eyes drifting off into an endless nothingness.