Stay | Arctic Monkeys Fanfiction

Twelve- I Can't Explain, But I Wanna Try

Alex called me the next day.  I didn't pick up.  

How could I pick up?  We'd kissed.  Like, really kissed.  Almost as if it had meant something. 

And he was getting married in a month.

I should have felt guilty about it.  But the only guilt I felt was for not feeling guilty at all.

But there was still something wrong about it all.  I'd always wanted Alex, but not like this.

It was only a kiss.  He was a little drunk, I was a little sad.  We had used each other to feel better about ourselves, just like we always had.  That was all it was.

Or at least that's what I had to keep telling myself, because I knew that those were the exact words Alex would tell me when I answered the phone.

"I was drunk, Dav," he would say.  "You know how I get."

And I would tell him that I understood.  That it meant nothing to me, either.  I would lie through my teeth the way I always had.

He called me twice the day after that, and I didn't have the balls to answer the first time.  But when my phone lit up with his name while I was watching a movie with Elliot and Lukas, I decided that the calls probably wouldn't stop.  They both knew something going on, but they didn't ask, and I tried to ignore their stares while I excused myself and headed toward my room.

My phone felt like a brick in my hand.  I let it ring a few times before I took a deep breath and brought it to my ear.

"Dav," he said before I even had a chance to say hello.

"Alex."

He was silent for a moment, and I braced myself for the words I knew would come up sometime during this conversation.  It would be along the lines of "It was a mistake."

"I need to see you," he said after a minute.  

So that he could say the words in person.  That would only make it harder.

"I'm kinda busy," I said, casually.  

"Oh.  Uh, well, we have to talk."

I clenched my phone, trying my best to keep my composure.  "About what?"

"You really have to ask that question?"

Neither of us spoke for a moment.

"Alex-"

"Dav-"

We spilled each others names out at the same time.  We both stopped, and I waited for him to speak again, but I think he was doing the same.

So I swallowed my emotion and did my best to not become completely unraveled.  

"Let's just forget about what happened, mate," I forced out.  

"But Dav, I-"

"You were drunk out of your mind," I said, cutting him off.  "It meant nothing to both of us.  I won't say anything if you won't."

He didn't speak for a long time.  So long that for a second I thought he'd hung up.

"I'm glad you understand," he finally said, his voice slow and gruff.

"You sound hungover," I said, trying to shift the conversation.  "You better not have gone down to the Hellcat without me."

"'Course not," he replied.  

We were both silent again.

"So are you still coming to the Peak this weekend?" he asked me.  

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

The only truthful statement I'd made during the entire conversation.  It would probably be super fucking awkward with Alex, but I couldn't miss the opportunity to be with the lads.

"Good," he said.  

We both went silent again.

"I'm sorry I left you outside like I did," he said.  "I was just...."

"Drunk," I finished for him, even though I knew that wasn't what he meant.  "It's in the past, Al.  I made it home without getting mugged, so don't worry about it."

"Still."

"So, uh, what have you been up to?" I asked, desperately trying to change the conversation again.  

"Ye know.  And you?"

"Nothing really," I answered.  "I'm going up to Rotherham with Lukas and Elliot later tonight to listen to some music at that bar you used to play in.  But that's about it."

"That's nice," he said.  "But, uh, I gotta go now."

He was acting weird.  But that was to be expected.  It was taking every ounce of energy I had to act normal.

"Alright," I said.  "Well I'll see you this weekend then."

"See ya."

I was about to hang up, but Alex's voice stopped me.

"Dav, wait," he said.  

"Huh?"

There was a long pause.  "Never mind.  I'll see you this weekend, idiot."

"See ya," I said.  I didn't have time to add an "idiot" before he hung up. 

I sighed and shoved my phone into my back pocket.  

I turned around to see Elliot looking at me with a stern face.  

"Whatever it is, forget about it," he said.  "We're going to go have fun tonight.  Alright, Em?"

I smiled at him.  "You mean you and Lukas are going to go get shit faced and I'm going to have to drag your asses home."

He laughed and put an arm over my shoulder.  "Not if you get drunk with us."

"Actually," I said, the conversation with Alex still reeling  through my mind.  "Getting shit faced sounds pretty good right about now."