Then *Poof* I'm Here: A Sequel #Wattys2014

Chapter 15: The End Of Us

I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more. -Unknown

~Lexis's P.O.V.~

I couldn't feel anything. Not mentally anyway. A piece of myself felt like it had died. Thinking about it, I realized it literally did. My own child was gone and I had no one to blame but myself. I could've been so much more careful with him, but in the end, I'm the one who caused his death. He'd died in my arms, and at night I could swear I still felt him there. I woke up in the middle of the night sometimes screaming and crying without tears, pulling at my hair and wishing for the memory which haunted my nightmares to leave me for good. Mark would hold onto my shoulders and try his best to calm me down, which only succeeded when I was in his arms and he gently swayed us side to side. I felt like a child, but it was the only way I could even try to fall back asleep.

I couldn't cry for Ty either. I wanted to, but I was physically unable to shed a single tear for the dead baby. I don't know why. I just....I couldn't. There was something in my brain that didn't function correctly and always told me "this isn't real, it can't be." But it was, and I was never going to be free of it. Not as long as I stayed here.

I woke up earlier than Mark the day after I screamed at my Mom, groggy and a little dizzy. There weren't a lot of times were I'd been in this situation, so I watched him for a moment. His shaggy brown hair looked almost black in the early morning light and stuck out in the most random of ways. His eyes were closed peacefully and his dark lashes gently kissed the skin under them. The stubble on his jawline was soft to the touch compared to most other guys. He snored lightly, nothing more than audible breathing. Without his glasses, the Korean part of him came out more.

There were many reasons I loved this man, and his good looks were not one of them. I felt like we were supposed to be together for a long time, if not for the rest of our lives. He was the most perfect man in the world, even with his flaws. I never thought I could ever find a man as close to the ideal perfect person, but Mark was that one. He was smart, kind, generous, never thought about himself, was selfless, always wanted to give and not receive, he had a great sense of humor, he knew how to cook, helpful, he knew so much and gave so much. These are only some of the things about him that him....amazing.

That's why making this decision was so difficult.

I didn't watch him for long. I slowly got up, being careful not to wake him, and took my laptop out to the living room. It was still pretty dark out. About six in the morning. I sat on the couch and watched the sky as I waited for my laptop to start. Once it did, I went online and looked through many different sites trying to find the best deals. I found it. I used my own account and in a few minutes, I was set. I wanted to cry, but this was the only way. It'd be the best for both of us.

I went to my Spotify playlists and played my "relaxing" list while I watched the sky some more. Laying down on the white couch, wishing I could splatter red onto it right now, I watched as outside turned from a dark gray-blue to red-orange, then orange, and yellow. It was finally a pale blue with a few gray clouds specking it when Mark came out of the room and sat next to me.

"Morning sleepyhead."

"Morning." He smiled softly and took a strand of my hair in his fingers. He still wasn't wearing his glasses, and his almond shaped eyes gazed down at me.

"How long have you been up?"

"Since about six."

"Two hours? You could've woken me up."