Metal Heart [ Jikook ]

Chapter 18

"Jungkookie!"

Jungkook looked up. He was met with the sight of Taehyung running toward him, excited look on his face. Hoseok was a step behind him. Taehyung practically jumped onto Jungkook, his hold on the younger tight. Hoseok chuckled, and he buried his hands in his pockets. The three of them were in front of the school, twelve minutes from their first class. Taehyung was excited, "I missed you, Jungkookie! How are you? Did Seokjin-hyung fix Jiminnie?"

It occured to Jungkook that the two had no idea what was going on. He felt tears spring to his eyes, but he quickly blinked them back, and he gave a stuttered answer, "Y-Yeah, he's all fixed."

"What's wrong?" Taehyung asked. Jungkook should have known he wasn't going to get away with that. Taehyung caught everything-- especially a lie. His concerned expression filled Jungkook's vision, and Jungkook turned his eyes down, avoided looking at the older. "I-it's a long story, hyung.... Can I please tell you later? At-- at lunch, or something?"

Taehyung hesitated, but he nodded, "Okay. But you better tell me! I don't want anything to hang over your head for too long."

Jungkook nodded numbly. He watched the two turn-- watched Hoseok wave at Jungkook over his shoulder, smile, as he was wrapping his arm around Taehyung, pulling him close. And he watched the two walk off, sticking close together, and he was happy for them. Taehyung peeked back at him, and Jungkook tried not to look too sad. Taehyung pouted at him, though, and he made a little heart, an It's okay, Jungkookie. And then he turned forward again, paying attention to where he was walking. And Jungkook continued to watch them, eventually moving when they finally disappeared. He walked into his first class a moment before the bell rang, and he slumped into his seat, and he put his head down, and he didn't listen to a word his professor said.

Unfortunately, Jungkook sat in the front, which meant it was obvious when he didn't pay attention.

"Jungkook." Namjoon said, calling his attention. He was standing in front of Jungkook's desk. Jungkook had just gotten all of his stuff together; everyone else was filing out of the room. Jungkook moved like a sloth-- at least, today he did. It took him a good few moments to look up at Namjoon-- which also had a lot to do with the fear of getting in trouble. However, Namjoon didn't look angry-- more concerned than anything, "You've missed a bit of school lately, and you seem very off focus today. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, teacher. Everything's fine." Jungkook said. He smiled, stood, "Thanks for your concern."

"Is it anything I can help with? Anything you'd like to talk about?" Namjoon asked. Jungkook sighed softly-- silently, almost. Namjoon was just his teacher, and Jungkook could have bet on the fact that teachers stopped caring after high school. But Namjoon was also Seokjin's friend and Jungkook doubted that Seokjin didn't ask Namjoon to keep a close eye on Jungkook. So Jungkook turned around, and he sat on top of his desk, and he asked, "Have you ever had to choose between two people, teacher?"

"Like... friends?" Namjoon asked, and Jungkook shook his head, "No. I mean-- people. Lovers. There are two people who love me... two really similar people, and...."

Jungkook sighed, "I'm sorry. It's a personal problem, I should--"

"No. It's fine, you can tell me if you want. No need to feel embarrassed." Namjoon said. Jungkook didn't want to say it. It was a lot to explain, and, sure, Namjoon knew Jimin, but he didn't know Jimin and he didn't really know Jungkook, either. So Jungkook changed the subject, "You're close to Jin-hyung, right, teacher?"

"I am." Namjoon confirmed. Jungkook gulped, and he didn't think twice before he asked, "Did he tell you he was sick?"

The silence scared him. Jungkook looked up. Namjoon looked shocked, nervous. He couldn't meet Jungkook's eye-- he knows. He knows, and I didn't. Jungkook frowned, felt the anger bubble up past the confusion, the guilt-- everything he'd been feeling that day. "Why does he never tell me anything?"

It wasn't a question directed at Namjoon, but Namjoon gave an answer, "I-- I couldn't tell you, Jungkook. But I imagine he thinks you have too much to worry about-- too much on your mind already."

"I don't. I really, really don't, because he takes care of everything for me. Everything-- he's like a mother that keeps her child under her skirt. I--" Jungkook didn't mean to sound so angry, but he was. He was angry at Seokjin, and he was angry at himself. He should have broken away; he shouldn't be so dependent. He should have seen it-- the love. He should have known. He should have-- he should have--

"I have to go, teacher. I'm sorry." Jungkook said. He stood, and he quickly gathered his bag again. Namjoon called after him, "Wait-- Jungkook! Don't you need a note?" but Jungkook wasn't gong to his next class. He didn't answer; he sped out of Namjoon's room, out of the school. He broke into a run when the tears started to fall. His feet carried him naturally-- carried, carried, carried him, and of course he ended up in front of Seokjin's door. Of course he did-- why wouldn't he? All his problems became Seokjin's problems; all his solutions came from Seokjin's mouth.

Instead of knocking, Jungkook turned around. Instead of heading off, Jungkook leaned back against Seokjin's door. Instead of standing there for a moment, he slid down to sit. And, as expected, he broke down in tears. He curled in on himself and sobbed on Seokjin's front porch. Dammit, he hated this. He hated himself; he hated Seokjin; he hated Jimin. But none of that was fair to say. He was angry at Seokjin. Jimin had never done a thing wrong. He hated the situation; he hated himself. That was it.

- + -

By the time Jungkook was able to drag himself off the ground, a while had passed. The temperature outside had changed; the sun had sunk past the mountains. Jungkook didn't knock on Seokjin's door; he didn't see Seokjin that day. He said he would have this figured out and he did. He'd told himself he was going to choose Jimin; he'd told himself that Seokjin would be okay. He told himself that Seokjin wanted him to have Jimin; he told himself Seokjin was going to forget his love anyway. Why was he having such a hard time accepting that?

Jungkook's last tears dripped down as he entered his own home. He did the same thing he had at Seokjin's place-- only he got inside before he leaned against the door, and he didn't slide down and start crying. He stood there, and he closed his eyes, and he kept his head against the door. Breathe, breathe, breathe--

"Kookie!" Jimin's voice came, and then he was in front of Jungkook; his arms were around the younger's waist; he was tucked into Jungkook's chest. Jungkook held him-- stroked his hair, gripped the back of his shirt. It was a tight hug with a desperate grip; and Jimin laughed into his ear the whole time, with some words past the soft joy, "Jeon Jungkook, I've missed you! Silly-- you have to come home more often. I spent too much time away from you-- where have you been, anyway?"

"With Jin-hyung." Jungkook muttered. Jimin sensed the emotion in his voice and pulled back, a frown decorating his features. He wiped Jungkook's tears and huffed softly, "Jungkook? What's the matter-- what happened?"

Jungkook shook his head, "It's nothing. It's okay."

Jimin went to say something, but Jungkook's phone buzzed... and buzzed and buzzed, and Jungkook pulled it out of his pocket to see new messages from Taehyung.

you were not at lunch today >:(
you'd better call me and tell me what's wrong
like, now
because I'm done studying
(hobi distracted me with a study date can you believe him)
tell me what's wrong! confide in your old hyung!
please?

Jungkook laughed, amused by Taehyung's animated typing. Jimin took a peek at Jungkook's phone and looked to the younger boy, frowning, "Something's wrong, Kookie?"

"Nothing important, Jimin. It's okay." Jungkook assured. Jimin was silent for some moments, and he pressed the issue, "Are you sure?" and Jungkook was silent for a moment, then-- answered amidst his text to Taehyung-- will you trust me if I tell you I have it all figured out?, "I'm sure."

right now, no, but if you actually show up to lunch tomorrow and say it to my face, okay

Jimin nodded, finding truth in Jungkook's smile, "Okay."

- - -

A/N: Can you believe I started this two years ago and I'm just now wrapping it up?
EXCEPT I'M NOT because there will be an epilogue but yeah this is pretty much it guys. yell @ me abt how open the ending is and how much stuff i didn't clear up (and worst of all: the lack of vhope) D: