Beautifully Insane

XI. Max

~

Seeing my brother has lifted my spirits from feeling lonely to feeling completely loved. He always makes me feel better. I didn't expect him to come home from college so quickly. School just started and he's already back.

Axel plays football at UGA in Georgia, he's one of the best players. I don't really understand football but every Sunday I sit in front of the TV and watch him play.

My family's really proud of him and I am too. After I'm done hugging him I ask,
"What are you doing here?! It's literally been a week since school started." I'm really excited that he's here and it shows in my voice. I follow him to his room and he puts his bag down.

"Couch gave us time to come back home before the season starts when we won't have time. Where is everyone?" He looks at me with curious eyes. I look back at him and say, "Everyone's out, Samantha's at a friend's house, mom is still at work and dad went shopping, he should be back soon."

He nods his head and sits in his desk chair while I sit on his bed.
"I see that  my room is still the same, I'm surprised mom didn't try to change it to a guest room or something," he says while looking around.
"She tried to but I convinced her not to," I say while smiling.

He smiles back at me and adverts his eyes to the floor. I can tell he wants to say something but he doesn't. I know he wants to ask me things, things we haven't talked about in awhile. I haven't seen him in a few months, not since I came back.

He never visited, he never wrote me, and he never called, it's like he disappeared. I know it was hard for him to see me leave but it was  harder for me not hearing from him.

"Look, I know we haven't talked or seen each other in awhile but, how have you been?" He ask me without looking up. He's nervous about something but I don't know why, we used to talk all the time about everything.

But things have changed in the past year, I've changed.
"Im...better than before, but there are still days where I'm...not, you know?" Like earlier today for example. I'm happy it's still easy to talk to him though.

He's always been like my therapist and gives good advice. I'm still his sister and I never tell him what I don't want him to know so there are some things he doesn't know.

"Yea I understand and I know we haven't talked on the phone or whatever, but I want you to know you can call me whenever you want. I'll answer whenever you call, unless I'm on the field and not near my phone." He giggles and I giggle with him.

I'm glad nothing really changed between us but there still seems to be a wall separating us. He gets up and sits across from me on the bed. He's gained more muscle than the last time I saw him.

I look into his eyes and I see content and also worry. The last time I saw that, he left me for college. He's happy to see me but also worried about something, damn, I can read him like a book.

"You don't have to worry about me Axel, I'm okay, I promise," I say while smiling at him. He gives me a weak smile and runs his hand through his hair like frap boys would do. 
"I always worry though, I'm your big brother," he says softly but loud enough for me to hear.

"You-," I'm interrupted when the doorbell rings and I wonder who it could be. I look at Axel before getting up and making my way downstairs. Axel follows me to the door when I open it and see dad standing there with a bag of groceries.