Hawthorne Heights [Editing]

twenty-two

   As I grew up, I've learned to stop putting people's problems first; before my own. Because that, in turn, made them feel as though I always came second. I deserve a good life just like anybody else but my depression told me otherwise. It whispered dark phrases in my ear, nibbling at my lobe with sharp teeth edged with frustration. But sometimes, my depression seemed to become a sweet grandmother-like figure whenever others told me their problems. I'd comfort them, assuring them that they're smart, funny, pretty, etcétera.
-Khari

☽

   The day of homecoming arrived that morning which meant that Khari sat on a large bed while asking him about Milo: "Is she still with Jamal?"

   Warren snorted while snooping through his father's closet for a tuxedo that Khari could borrow. He had yet to ask his mother about her after-work trysts and he wasn't so sure if he would.

      "That's just petty, Khari. You know that his name is Jerome." Warren snatched a tuxedo off of a hanger and tossed it over to Khari, "Avery keeps calling him Jerry Curl."

   Khari began to undress in front of Warren after confirming that the tux would fit his frame. Cleo purchased a boutonniere the night before because she was convinced that Khari would ask Milo to go with him. Apparently, she believed that homecoming was just as important as prom. No one at the school purchased boutonniere because homecoming was simply a gathering of all four grades in a gymnasium.

He'd never been to a school dance of any sort due to his fear of not having fun. Mekhi and Jelani both urged for him to go with wild stories of loose girls and hype boys, but loud music and crowded spaces didn't sound too enticing to Khari.

Khari shrugged, muttering, "I don't even know what she sees in the fool. He doesn't like good music, he isn't into art, and he's just plain 'ol ignorant. She deserves somebody better and she knows it."

"And you're that somebody, right?" Warren glanced up from his cellphone to see Khari's bare back facing him.

Khari paced back and forth within Warren's dad's bedroom with his hands pressing against his forehead. His feelings for Milo conflicted against each other yet he knew that he cared for her. He understood that she had a boyfriend, but he couldn't help but feel envious whenever he saw her laughing with Jermaine.

Jermaine didn't deserve her, but neither did he.

He murmured, "I mean, the match would be cool, but I don't wanna burden her with my problems. She'll end up just like me and I don't want that to happen."

"Look, Khari, this is all I'm gonna say. Milo isn't the type to let others suffer alone. She's been trying to help you for weeks; you're the one that pushed her to be with Jerome. You can only blame yourself and you either do something to fix it or you stop talking about it," Warren snapped, "She likes you, Khari, and you're dumb if you actually believe that you don't like her back. Y'all spent nearly every day together!"