February 14

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by WriteDrunk

by WriteDrunk

Dear Luke, February 14, 2014

I haven't been doing okay, Luke. I know I'm being selfish talking about myself like this, but I feel it's necessary. I'm not okay right now. I really want you here. The voices are getting louder, Luke, and you can't make them leave anymore.

I feel like I'm starting to lose my marbles, frankly. You literally kept me sane for a very long time. It reminds me of that one Mayday Parade song... You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart in The Clouds. You're my anchor. You've kept me steady for so long, I fear of what I might do without you. I'm afraid before long, that when you wake up, I'll be locked up in some nuthouse, cradling myself in a corner while my sanity deteriorates.

Calum wants to take me to a therapist (I'm still saying no at the moment), but I told him "No, I have Luke for that." Even though he bought me this diary in the first place, he wants to take it away. And do you know what he told me? He told me you were gone. I cried for a while after that and Michael and Calum got into it, screaming and arguing about what to do with me. Michael thinks I should do what I'm most comfortable with. I told him my diary.

So here I am.

It's been eight months, Lucas, and you missed it. You're going to have to make it up to me, missing a trademark date like this in a relationship. Eight months of swapping spit and sharing body heat. Lovely, right?

I come to visit you everyday, if you didn't know that. I still have to ask if you can hear things on the outside. I hope you don't, sometimes. I've said some very embarassing things.

You look so much different now. You're pale (not that you haven't always been. You're my Pasty Prince) but you have gotten ghostly. You're so much thinner. Your hair isn't as voluminous as usual (that was very feminine of me). I know you hate to have your hair messy in public, but you look so peaceful. Innocent even. I don't want to disturb my sleeping prince.

I'm sorry for not writing you. It's been two weeks since I've written and I'm very sorry. I don't exactly have a great excuse for my absence, except for the fact that I have been very sad. I feel like every one of my breaths are slower than the one before. Like I'm drowning and watching everything around me. I hope that's a good excuse.

I love you more than I did before, but not as much as I will tomorrow.

-Ashton

*~*

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-Katie♡