Amnesia || lashton

March 21

"And this is when the feeling sinks in,

I don't wanna miss you like this,

come back... be here,

come back... be here." Come Back... Be Here - Taylor Swift

Dear Luke,                                  March 21, 2014

I haven't seen you since the hospital when you woke up. You have no idea how badly I want to go back, but I'm scared.

What do I say? "Oh hey, uh yeah we were in love for about 8 months and It's my fault you can't remember roughly a year of your life."

Do we start over?

Luke, I can't start over. I can't tell you everything about me... again. It was painful telling you the first time, no matter how much I love you.

Selfish of me, right?

But I'll have to. No one can replace you, Luke, no one could even compare. I'll try again and again, and I won't stop. Not until you tell me to.

I really just want to hold your hand right now.

-Ashton

Ashton tied his journal and pulled up the corner of his matress, sticking it far under there. He sat the matress down and exited the cold room, trying to leave any memories of Luke in there.

I wish I would wake up with amnesia, Ashton thought. He didn't want to remember Luke, now that he couldn't remember him. It hurt him too much. He made his way downstairs, and sat at the kitchen counter where Calum was eating an apple.

"Good morning," Calum's eyes flashed up to meet Ashton's for a quick second, before resuming place on the phone he held. He was surprised to see Ashton.

"Is it? I didn't realize." Ashton grumbled sitting on the stool and burying his face in his hands. Calum sighed. He felt bad for the older boy- who wouldn't? They were in love. Are in love.

"C'mon buddy, he could still remember. He loved you a lot, okay? He could still be in there."

Ashton nodded, more to assure Calum. He didn't believe a word he said. Calum stood a little straighter, thinking he put a positive thought into the forest of darkness that was Ashton's mind.

Ashton worked up the courage to ask. "Do you- Do you think we could go see him?"

Calum almost choked on his apple. It's been ten days and Ashton has barely left his room. When he did come out, he'd grumble some obscenities or go into a full fledged cry, right then and there. He could only hold the older boy, because this isn't just some heartbreak. This was real love and he had never experienced it, let alone know what it felt like. What kind of advice would you offer?

Ashton's stomach grumbled, reminding Calum of something.

Calum knows he hasn't eaten much, but that's just because of Luke, right?

Naive thoughts.

"Yeah, sure. I was going to anyway. He's asked about you."

Ashton looked up from his lap, his eyes glimmering with hope. "Really? What did he say?"

Calum realized he built false hope and Ashton and immediately felt guilty about it. "He just asked... who the guy was that hugged him the other day. Sorry, Ash."

Ashton closed his eyes and nodded, blinking away tears. What if he did remember me? He tried his best to give Calum a smile, but couldn't muster up the strength. Instead, he walked back into his room, to cry by himself and hopefully try to get ready.

•

Luke racked every corner of his brain, trying anything to remember the boy with the golden curls. He wanted to remember, obviously this boy was important to him. He just didn't know how.

He wished he knew his name.

"Luke? Honey, you have a visitor. Actually, a few." Lacey, Luke's nurse, poked her head through the door.

"Sure." He flicked the little TV off in the corner and sat up straighter. And in he walked, the boy with the smile and hair. But instead of a smile, he wore a frown. He wore a grey sweatshirt (a few red stains on it) and black skinny jeans.

"Hi, Luke!" Calum walked a little quicker than the other boy, sitting on Luke's right in the chair. Michael sat next to Calum, adorning a smile.

The mystery boy was hesitant, but took a seat on the left of the bed. He stared at the floor. Luke noticed a little book in his pocket- the corner poked out.

"Hi, could you tell me your name? Sorry I've had a pretty sketchy memory lately."

He mumbled. "Ashton."

Any bells? Nope. But something was tugging at him. Telling him he remembers, but those whispers were interrupted when Calum spoke.

"Do you remember Ashton? I mean, he's a pretty important part of your life."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? How?"

With every word Luke spoke, Ashton's hope was deteriorating. He was deciding that the date of his 'expiration' maybe be sooner than he thought. He didn't even know his name for God's sake.

"I'm your boyfriend." Ashton cracked his fingers, the sound popping in the dead silent room.

Luke was utterly freaking out. He had a boyfriend? But he's straight! What happened to Aleisha? Oh God, where's Aleisha?

"B-but I'm straight, right?" Luke looked towards any of the boys for something; maybe a slight smile to let him know it's a joke. But they couldn't be more serious.

"You were straight Luke.. until you met Ashton. You came out as bisexual to us about a year ago." Michael continued.

"Where's my girlfriend? Where's Aleisha? Shouldn't she be here?" Luke asked frantically. He couldn't be attracted to boys, his mother would never approve. Right? All he knew was that he wanted to be in his girlfriend's arms. Not boyfriend.

"I can't do this." Ashton put his hands behind his head, locking his fingers together. He walked out of the room, with quick steps and a slam of the door.

--

Guys, listen up.

Since diary entries are in italics I have to put thoughts in bold, okay? Less confusion.

ALSO: PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE "Dear" ON THE DIARY ENTRIES. VERY IMPORTANT.

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-Katie♡