***
"I can't do this anymore, Drew! I don't even know what this is, and neither do you!"
"I'm sorry, okay?! It won't happen again. It was a stupid misunderstanding," I pleaded, following her up the steps to her apartment door. She backed up, shooting me a warning look. I released a sigh, wishing there was some way to fix all of this.
"I don't have time for games like this, Drew," she said, tears accumulating at the rim of her eyelids. It pained me to see her like this. Upset. Especially because of me.
"If you could let me explain what ha-"
"Let me explain something to you," she interrupted. "I took a chance with you. I let my guard down, and that doesn't happen very often. You know things about me that no one else does. You are all that I want, and you don't even care."
By the end of her speech, she was full on crying. As the last words rolled off her tongue, she sounded done. Like there was no hope left for us. Like she had given up on me. She turned around to open the door of her apartment, but I took her by the wrist and gently spun her back around to face me.
"I do care," I assured. She jerked her wrist away but remained listening. "I care about you more than anyone else in this entire damn world."
"Then why don't you act like it?"
"Because I'm afraid," I admitted. She crossed her arms, waiting for me to elaborate. "I've never been in a committed relationship before, okay? This is new to me. I'm taking a chance with you too."
"There's nothing to be afraid of-"
"And I'm supposed to know that? I've never done this before. I don't know what to expect." Her expression softened a bit, but her arms remained crossed. "All I know is that you are the greatest person I have ever met. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose you. So whatever it takes to get you to accept my apology, consider it done."
This fight was our first. I had never experienced her mad at me before. Not like that. It was bittersweet in a sense. A fight like that could only mean that we were serious. I loved the idea of being serious with Jade, but I hated the idea of being serious. Serious was unfamiliar. It was far out of my comfort zone. But I knew in the long run being serious was the only way I could keep her. And I wanted her forever.
So in this way, it was exceptionally bittersweet. But I knew it could turn bitter real fast if she decided I was a waste of time and left me in the hallway of her floor. That would be the bitterest ending of any I'd ever experienced.
She studied my face for a moment, maybe to test if my words were completely truthful.
"I need you to trust me," she said. "I need you to trust...that this will work out. I understand this is new to you, but we can figure it out together just as long as you trust me the same way I trust you."
"I can do that," I said, nodding. "I can trust you."
"Good," she said, a small hint of a smile forming at the corners of her lips. She leaned up on her tip toes and pecked my cheek. "Then we have nothing to worry about."
