Fire

3. Fuel

Chapter Song: Todo no fue Suficiente - Ha-Ash

FRIDAY 

  (Lana's Point of View)

After a quiet morning, I had been working on my poetry all afternoon. I'd been really inspired lately so I didn't want to stop. I heard the dogs barking and a door being slam shut and I knew Salvador had arrived from his bullfighting rehearsal.

''Elizabeth I'm home.''

''Hi baby, how was your day?'' I went over him and kissed him on the cheek.

''I don't even want to talk about it. The fucking bull almost pushes me of the horse today at rehearsal. I had to shoot him.'' He said as he grabbed one of his cuban cigarettes form a black wooden box we had on the bedroom and lit it up. He sat on our couch, took a long drag of the cigar and let the smoke out. ''Now I gotta buy another one for the town's carnival which is happening soon.''

I've honestly never liked bull fighting. I think it's something brutally painful to watch, how an innocent animal gets stabbed multiple times while it's being teased, mad because it's been drugged up before and doesn't know what's happening. But Salvador doesn't know that. I just pretend I'm for it because it's his profession, and it's a cultural tradition in this country. Thank god I don't have to go witness it as much as before because he doesn't take me touring with him anymore.

''The governor has a dinner tonight at his house so I need you to be ready in an hour so we can leave.'' He told me.

''Alright. Let me just finish this poem I was writing and I'll get dressed.'' I told him as I seated back on the desk.

''Hurry. Elizabeth. Oh and I want you to wear that burgundy dress I bought for you in Madrid." He told me in a demanding voice before he left to take a shower.

I got ready; Did my make up and put on the best perfume I had. We went to the governor's house shortly after. The setting was a typical dinner. Only La crème de la crème of Pueblo Blanco was present tonight. Everyone wearing their fanciest garments. I already knew most of the people here, but I still felt so out of place.

As soon as we entered the house, my husband went with one of the Quirante Brothers to talk privately on the game room, while I had to make small conversation with the rest of the guests. When he came back, Salvador took me in his arm and we approached Mr. and Mrs. Torres, who owned the biggest leather factory in all Andalusia, and were the only people I hadn't met yet.

''Hello Miguel, Elena. Let me introduce you to my wife, Elizabeth.''

''Hello Elizabeth, it's a pleasure.'' the fifty year old woman told me.

''Likewise'' I smiled and shook both their hands.

''You're very beautiful. Nothing less to expect from our handsome Salvador of course.'' She said with a giggle and I simply gave her a polite smile and said thank you before we all sat down at the huge table.

I got seated next to my husband and next to Lucia, the governor's wife. She was always keen to have conversations with me. Conversations I didn't exactly enjoyed because they all centered in badmouthing people and all the gossip from town I couldn't care less for.

But I had to endure it for a while because Salvador was talking with the rest of the men about a civil war that could be brewing in Spain. Then the subject changed to economics. And Mr. Torres talked lively about what the best movements on trade could be. I was boring myself to death so I just kept on quietly eating dinner. After everyone else grew quiet, Elena Torres asked me.

''And how did Salvador and you met Elizabeth?''

''Well, we met at a party. He was in cordoba that night for bull fighting, and after we danced all night he told he would return to town just to see me again.'' I smiled as the memories flooded my brain. ''Then he did and we started dating. He took me around Spain traveling with him, I got to see some of the most beautiful cities of the country. Including Barcelona, which I loved. Then he proposed to me after that and-

''That's enough Elizabeth, I don't think they want to listen to this corny story.'' Salvador interrupted me trying to not to look as rude as he was. ''So say Governor, how do you think Franco is going to get rid of the anarchist rebels who are joining forces in the north of Spain?'' He continued, changing the subject.

The other people at the table grew kind of uncomfortable but tried to not take notice of his behavior. I had to pretend like it didn't happen either because I felt like I was being watched, but that didn't stop the pain I felt in my gut. I kept on having my dinner and drank a little too much just to endure the rest of the night.

When we came back home, I could tell my husband was drunk already, and as soon we got to the bedroom, he grabbed me by the waist and harshly spun me around before he started sloppily kissing me with his open mouth. He quickly undressed me by almost tearing up the burgundy dress I was wearing with no effort, and started kissing my neck. Then he simply threw me on bed and well you know what happened after...

It's safe to say that the courtship has been pretty much over for a while. He just grabs me when he pleases, and I swear to god I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm.
After he is done he falls asleep right away, and  I am left unsatisfied in thought for a couple of hours before I finally fall asleep.

I don't know how else to get his attention, I feel like he has grown so accustomed to me that he feels I am no longer worth his time. He just buys me expensive stuff and takes me out to the fancy dinners and parties to show me off with his friends, but our conversations are dull. I no longer feel any sort connection like we had when we started dating.

Those were the good old days. He would wait for me in front of my university, wearing his expensive jacket and sunglasses, looking so fresh. Then we would go on walks around the city and have fancy candlelight dinners. That lasted about 4 months until he proposed to me, and of course I instantly said yes, because I was just so dazzled by him. His fame and his body and his elegance and his reputation.

Now I feel like that has faded away too. Lately he's been so obsessed with making more money, and gambling. I know why. He is not making as much money as before, and I know he is in debt to one of the Quirante brothers, which is probably why they were talking privately today before the dinner. But that is apparently none of my concern... or so he tells me when I ask.

He comes back from the casino at night and I am just doomed to wait for him everyday alone in this huge house so we can wine, dine and then have sex.

Thank god I have my writing and books to keep me happy and inspired, and thank god I met that sweet Girl Lily the other day. She seems like someone I could truly become friends with in this town, not like Salvador's friends who only talk about politics and brag about their wealth.

I really hope she is at the plaza sketching portraits this Sunday...