His Pride is Prejudiced

Chapter Sixteen: Letting Go

Chapter Sixteen

Letting Go

I grabbed my phone and dialed Matt's number.  And just as I thought where this phone call would go: voicemail.

     “Hey, Matty,” I hesitated.  “Meet me at the Central Park.  Remember when you first told me you like me?  That very place,” I breathed.  “See you in a minute.”

     I clicked my phone off and changed into an orange sleeveless lacey top underneath a sleeveless gray vest and skinny jeans paired with a red Converse.

     “Ava,” Haley called out, sitting on the couch in a plain white tee and blue checkered lady's boxer shorts, her legs crossed in a yoga position while I passed by the back of the television.

     I stopped in my tracks and turned to her.

     I could see understanding in her eyes.  “You’re finally doing the right thing.”

     I forced a weak smile then, without any hesitation, I headed straight to the said meeting place, hoping that Matt has received the message soon.

     The park wasn’t full, neither is empty.  There were happy families sitting on their picnic cloths.  The peaceful image made me dream of having a family someday but right now, it wasn’t the right time to think about it.

     I saw Matt running across the lawn thirty minutes later in a baby blue button down and white pants with an unreadable expression on his face.

     “What is it?  Everything okay?” he asked with such concern, I couldn’t spill the words I wanted to say.

     “You’re a great guy, Matt,” I croaked.

     Oh, God.  Don’t cry now, Ava.  Now is not a good time to look like shit.

     “I just—“ I shook my head, running out of words.  “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

     “Is this the end?”

     I shook my head convincingly.  “No, no, of course not, Matt,” I sniffed.  “This is just the beginning.”  I paused, gathering enough courage.  “I was afraid to lose you, Matt.”

     “I know where this is going,” he said, his eyes were full of understanding.

     “You do?” I said as my vision got even more blurry.

     He looked down and nodded.  “You see,” he said, looking up.  “I’ve been ready for this a long time now.  I just didn’t want to hurt you.  I waited until you were ready to let go.  I just don’t think this is working out so…”

     I nodded, quite relieved.  Without further ado, I took a step closer and gave him a long embrace, knowing that this might be the last time we’d talk like this again and the following occurrences might be awkward.  “I just want you to know that I’ve loved you for the last four years.”

     I felt his arms around me, returning my embrace.  “I did, too.”

     When we finally pulled away, I wiped my tears and exchanged chuckles, suddenly finding it funny to cry like this on such happy moment that I didn’t have to break his heart.

     “So, uh,” he said, smiling with relief.  “No hard feelings?”

     I shook my head, returning a smile.

     We finally parted ways.  I headed back to our apartment and found Haley still sitting on where I left her.

     “Caleb is still not back?” I asked Haley.

     She shook her head.

     Just then, the door opened and there he was.

     Caleb Princely.

     “What were you thinking?” I asked in agitation.

     “I was thinking about you,” he said with much conviction that made me want to kiss him but because he has put me into much media trouble, I managed to hold myself back.

     “What, have you been molested by a Care Bear?” I said frantically.

     There was silence.  I can tell that Haley is watching this out-of-the-screen scenario.

     All of a sudden, there was a large noise that sounded like an angry mob.  I turned and Haley kneeled on the sofa to peek out the window.

     “Uh, guys, we’ve got media company,” she said, deadpan.

     I turned to Caleb.  “You see what you’ve done?  I used to live a simple life—“

     “Simple?” Haley cut in.  “I thought it was boring.”

     “Shut up, Haley,” I gritted through my teeth then, turned back to Caleb.

     “Ever since you came into my life, the puzzle pieces scattered all over the place and it’s so hard to put them back together.”  I walked out and headed to our room and cried myself to sleep.

     I don’t know what was wrong with me.  My heart knows that I like him back but my head won’t go with it.  It kept on being on guard that I might get hurt.  I don’t know how much pain this will cause but right now, it already feels too painful that I wasn’t able to tell him how I feel.  I was scared to take the chance on someone different.  I was too afraid to get hurt, that’s what’s wrong with me.  I’m a coward.

The sun greeted me with its warm rays making an incursion through the bedroom window.  Haley was by the curtain with her hands resting on her hips.

     “Thank God you’re still alive.  I thought you’ve gone suicide.”

     I sat up, squinting at her silhouette.  “Why on earth would I do that?”

     “Because you weren’t able to tell Caleb how much you love him,” she said as-a-matter-of-factly.  She went around the room and made her bed.

     “What?” I said as my body shifted, following her direction.

     She sat beside me, resting a palm on the white sheets.  “Yeah, you heard me.”

     “What—no!”  I said absurdly.  “Of course, I don’t like him.”

     “Did I mention that he’s gone?”

     I felt my world stop.

     “What?”

     “Yup,” she answered as she stood up.  “He’s out of your life now,” she said, making a swept-out motion with her hand.

     “What?” I blurted out in alarm.  “He can’t leave!”  I stumbled out of the bed, flinging the door open and barging into Caleb’s room.

     Haley was right.  He’s gone.

     “He left a note for you,” Haley said behind me.

     I turned as she handed me a yellow sheet.

I love you, Ava.  I don’t want seeing your life become a mess because of me. It hurts me to see you wounded.  Maybe this is my punishment for being such a jerk all these years.  I’ll try to forget you.  I need to move on because I know you never will feel the same for me.  Thanks for taking good care of me when I was physically injured.  The fresh pain of the bruises cannot compare and can never compare to how this pain in my heart is killing me right now.  I have nothing else to say, Ava.  I love you.  Goodbye.  –Caleb

     I felt helpless.  I reread the note until the pain worsens.  I deserve this.  I deserve being hurt because I was the one who pushed him away.  I was a coward.