The Girl After

Chapter 34

Bending is hard. I don't think anyone has ever really touched on that before. Bending is difficult. Very difficult. In order to properly have control any of the elements, one must have control of themselves. Control of their thoughts, control of their emotions.

Something that I don't have.

I stood outside of Varrick's home with Asami and Bolin. The two of them stood to the side, watching intensely as I tried to force a flame to life. I pumped my fist forward, in the air, in an attempt at a fountain of flames shooting into the air. I'd seen Iroh use this move before, mainly for means of entertaining me when I was younger. I was so easily distracted and fascinated as a child; it wasn't difficult to keep me from hearing the adult conversations around me. However, in trying today, I wasn't even rewarded with a spark. I tried again and again, again and again. Nothing.

"What is wrong with me?!" I shouted angrily. "I was perfectly capable of bending in that cave!"

"Nani, it's okay," Bolin said, trying to ease me. "You'll get it, you just need to practice."

"Obviously not!" I snapped. "The only time I've been able to bend was when my life was in danger. Maybe that stupid Spirit should come back and try to kill me! Maybe we should bring Dakota back and finally let her release all of that pent up resentment she feels towards me!" My breathing had quickened, heavy and desperate. I felt like I was going to cry, but I wouldn't allow myself to do so. Bolin's face fell at the mention of the Avatar's sidekick. There'd been no sign of her since she immersed herself into the Spirit World, no one had really spoken of her since they told me of her whereabouts. I wondered, was it because it was too unbearable to acknowledge her vanishing? Or was everyone just indifferent? The sadness on Bo's face silenced me.

"A Spirit attacked you?" Asami asked, eyes swimming with concern. "You told me nothing happened while you were down here."

I didn't reply. I'd already said more than I should've, and I didn't want to make it worse. With my jaw clenched, I set my eyes forward and pushed my fist into the air again. Still nothing. I let out an angry growl and stamped my foot into the ground.

"I... I'm gonna go," Bolin awkwardly stated as he approached me with caution. "The thing that Varrick wanted to me to do, I'm gonna go take care of that."

"Let me go with you," I said in a defeated sigh.

"No, no," he insisted, "I've got it. I can handle it, Nani. Anyway—" He paused, glancing at Asami behind me before looking at me again. "I think Asami wants to talk to you... in private." He didn't give me any time to respond. He was already running off to take care of Varrick's bribery mission without me, leaving me alone under Asami's gaze.

"Leinani." She said it in a maternal way. The way Gran Gran would simply say my name as a warning that it was time for a serious talk, which often led to a lecture. The way Aunt Izumi would effortlessly scold me with a mere undertone when she said my name, hands firmly planted on her hips. The way Uncle Klei would only have to say my name to thwart me from playing with the unattended weapons of the palace's soldiers.

I turned to face Asami. She stood with her arms crossed. "Why did you lie to me?" She asked. She sounded more hurt than angry — sad, even. "Why didn't you tell me about the Spirit?"

"Why? So you can worry?" I retorted. "So Gran Gran and Fire Lord Zuko and Lin and all of my aunts and uncles can worry?" I frowned, as did she.

"You should've told me," said Asami. "For all I know, the Spirit could've been trying to kill you. And then what, Nani?" Her lip quivered for a moment, then stopped once she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know you have this whole I don't need anyone; I can take care of myself! attitude in life, but I need to know that you won't do something stupidly dangerous. If something happened to you, I—"

"You'd what, Asami? Protect me? Call my family so that they can take me back to the Fire Nation and say I told you so? I can't let that happen." I inhaled slowly and looked down. Tears fought to make an appearance, but I forbade it. Seeing no point in hiding things, I looked to Asami again and began to recount the ordeal. I explained that the Spirit knew my mother's name, but seemed to believe that I was her. My mother had a connection with the Spirit World, I'd explained, but not the way Avatar Korra did. It was more like the connection that Unalaq had obtained — perhaps even worse. She could manipulate the Spirits (much like she did people) into doing her bidding. Uncle Po always referred to her as the Dark Avatar, which always immediately shot down by Fire Lord Zuko for "disrespecting the legacy of the Avatar with such a distasteful comparison".

Upon the conclusion of my explanation, Asami's lips moved in search of the right thing to say. "Leinani," she said slowly, "I want to help you. I really do, but.... I can't do that if you don't let me in. This.... This is something much, much bigger than you, Nani. I can't be there for you if you just shut me out and try to handle things on your own."

"I can't do that," I replied quietly. I turned away and resumed my sorry attempts to form a simple fireball. Jasmine had this perfected by the age of six, I complained in my head. Why can't I do this?!

"Why?" Asami tried again, placing herself in front of me, in my line of non-fire. "Why won't you let me help you? Is it because you think I'm not as strong? Need I remind you that you were a nonbender, too, up until recently! I'm just as strong and capable as you and the others!"

"That isn't it, Asami," I said, turning away from her. But this only let her to follow and stand in front of me once more.

"Then what is it?" Asami's face was reddening with frustration. Her eyes were flooded with anger, sadness, hurt. Her hands were firmly on her hips.

The words came out before I could stop them: "Because I love you!" And there it was, the feeling I had been suppressing since I'd met her. Quite frankly, I wasn't even sure how I felt, despite having said such a thing to her aloud. Yes, I did love Asami. Scratch that, I do love her. Although, I wasn't completely convinced as to what the word meant to me. Still, I went on, speaking directly into her shocked face. "I love you, and everyone I love ends up being hurt somehow," I told her. "It's never some freak accident, either. Because of me, my aunts and uncles have suffered so many injuries. My grandmother and Fire Lord Zuko have nearly died trying to protect me. Bo and Mako... They've always been in danger, but I didn't exactly improve their situation. I'm not even friends with the Avatar's sidekick, but look what happened to her from just knowing me! She's vanished off into who-knows-where, and who's to say that she's ever coming back?!"

Asami was no longer emitting her irritation with me. Her entire demeanor had softened. She removed her hands from her hips and brought them down to her sides. "Leinani..." She said gently.

"I care about you, Sato, and I can't afford to see you get hurt," I admitted. "Please, of all people, don't put me through the stress of constantly worrying about if you'll be okay. I know what you're capable of, but..." I couldn't find the words, but I didn't need to. Asami had already lunged forward and trapped me in the tightest embrace I had ever experienced. She didn't say anything. Though I'm not sure if I really wanted her to. I don't think I did, anyway. She stood there and she hugged with such an intense silence.

"Nani?" She said into my ear moments later, still squeezing me.

"Yes?"

"I love you, too."

Author's Note

Hi hello hi! Yes, I'm alive and still writing! I've been super busy with my birthday, and graduation, and working, and finding a college, and all that boring adult stuff that I'm required to do now. I've also kind of been lacking in motivation to write........but I'm here now! That's the important thing, right? I'm not sure how frequent updates will be (for all ongoing books) but I'll try my hardest to remain as active as possible.

Also, comment any ideas you may have for this or other books of mine. I've recently been receiving messages asking that I include OCs of other people into my stories, which I'm totally down for. So if that's something you think I should do, comment and/or private message me!

I believe that's all I have to say for now — enjoy! ❤