Dear John

Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Come to think of it, lunch with Ethan wasn't really that bad. 

We ate at a petite cafe, wedged between two skyscrapers that made the best sandwiches. Ethan, surprise, surprise  was a complete gentleman and never even made a move. Not that it meant that I'll stop keeping an eye out on him. At that moment he kept his feelings at bay and we both had a good time. I really hope that he doesn't think that this means that I'll give him a chance. The last thing I want is for work to be awkward. 

That was a day ago, I'm currently on my way to the church, for yet, another session with Harry. Not one on one, but you know what I mean. 

I've taken this route so many times that I could walk with my eyes close or blindfolded and still reach in front of this door. It's awfully quiet, not that I'm surprised. I am, however, surprised when I walk in and realize that the entire room is empty, except for one person hunched in a chair with their face in their palms. 

I know right away that it's Harry, his hair gave him away. That wasn't the least bit confusing, what is confusing is that every Friday, for the past months I've been coming to the session and the room is always filled with people. But, this time, there is not another soul in sight.

I quickly grab my phone to see if I had somehow misinterpreted what day it is currently, but my phone says in bold and bright letters FRIDAY.

I'm rooted in my spot, wondering what to do but before I could decide his head snaps up. 

"Sorry Nova, but today's session is cancelled" He says, his voice smoother than ever. 

I nod, barely taking in his words because what I see leaves me speechless. His eyes, the vibrant emerald green that could captivate you with one look was now a dull murky moss green. If that wasn't alarming, a red ring encircled both eyes. You probably wouldn't have noticed from the first glance. 

But I've seen that look before, it sometimes showed itself when I looked into the mirror on really bad days. I knew that look, the pain that swirled in the eyes. 

He was in pain. 

The person who always seemed to have everything together and who helps individuals get a different and thoughtful insight on life, looked like someone just killed his puppy. Pink lips tucked between his teeth and his eyes glazing over by the minute, I can admit, made me feel some type of way. I just didn't know what, but seeing him like that, reminded me of a quote that I sometimes always repeat in my head. 

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. 

With a quick nod, I quietly grabbed a chair and placed it a few feet away from him and placed my rear on it. I brought my eyes to his and awkwardly raised one eyebrow. 

"I know it is not my place to ask, but what's wrong?" I inquire softly 

He slowly tilts his head and manages to do what I failed to do. With one eyebrow raised a ghost of a smile appears across his face as he looks at me. But not one of those looks that don't last, more like the ones that delve deep into your soul. It shook me to the core and I forced to look away. 

"No, it's not your place" He remarks with the roll of an eye. "You don't need to worry about me, Nova or try to analyze me in any type of way" He adds shrugging. 

Nodding, I make a move to get up. He was right, and it definitely not my place to see whether if he was okay or not. There was no reason for me to play counselor. Slowly, I make my way to him and rest my hand on his shoulder and I squeezed it gently. It was the first contact we had made and it honestly sent a jolt throughout my entire being. 

In an instant I had pulled away and made my way to the door. Never looking back, I made my way out of the room and closed the door. There was however a hesitation to leave him like that but I understood that feeling all too well. He didn't need me to be there for him, at a moment like that. Maybe a next time or maybe there won't be a next time. 

When I decided to come today, despite my reserves not to, I was hoping to learn a good lesson to keep me moving. But today, had been an eye opener. I was impervious to everything that had been occurring around me. I always knew people had their shit too but I never really thought about it. Because my shit was more gigantic than their own. 

At least that's what I thought, that everything revolved around me. I was the center of attention and the universe. No one could possibly have it as worse as me. Seeing that also made me realize that I had no idea why everyone went. The pain, the raw deep pain and then numbness had made me immune to anyone else's problem. 

The walk out of the church and into the crisp winter air was faster than when I walked in. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I made my way quickly to my car. In the blink of an eye, I was home, parked in the driveway. 

That night, I wrapped myself up in John's scent and laid on the bed we shared. And although all of that brought a smile to face and made my heart soar oh so high. There was one image that I could not shake from my head. No matter how hard I tried. Harry, being vulnerable ingrained into my mind forever. 

The way I could have seen straight into his soul and witnessed the excruciating pain he was in, left me floored. Who knew that the one who was supposed to have composure and had their life together, was no different from the screw ups that he tried to make better.

And it honestly gave me the chills.