Dear John

Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

There are a lot of ways to cope with pain. Some ways are really unhealthy while some are healthy. But nevertheless people do something to get rid of pain. Pain is like a poisonous substance that infiltrates and seeps through our body. Most people feel pain by many things like losing someone dearly, or by an injury. Some people classify pain as a mental suffering or distress. There's many meaning to the word pain. It's just a four letter word but they have a big part in our lives. Because one way or another we're going to feel pain; because that's what makes us humans.

I'd like to think everything was fine in my life. Don't we all? Well, I, for one do. But that's just not the case. No matter how we wish for everything to go right. Half the time, it never will. That's just life and sooner or later mankind will have to accept it. When there's a problem we always try to solve it. You may think we do, but we don't. The problem just gets pushed to the side for the while. It's a never-ending vicious cycle. But we fail to recognize it.

Mankind is so conflicted with being the best out of everything. They thrive to be better than the next. When in all truth we should be working together; not against each other. We resort to bringing someone down when we don't feel good about ourselves. We tell them hurtful things not even taking a second thought about it. There was always a saying "Think before you speak" not many people take that advice.

I guess that's what's wrong with this twisted world. People want their opinions to be heard but as soon as someone disagrees and states their opinion it's a whole lot of chaos. Everyone wants to be heard but not everyone wants to hear. In this world everybody thinks of themselves. In this world everybody are sinners. Even I'm a sinner, I'm not afraid to admit. I'm not afraid to admit my wrongs or doings.

Heartbroken. That's how I felt when I woke up. Emptiness. That's what I felt when I looked around the room. Longing. That's what I felt as a cold wind swept through the room and I have to take refuge in my blanket. Wiping my eyes I got off the bed and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the bath and sprinkled vanilla and coconut wash into it.

I looked into the mirror not even surprised at how I looked. Black made a circle around my baggy eyes; my skin pale as ever and my hair tangled and went everywhere. I quickly discarded my clothes and stepped into the bathtub.

I sighed as I lied down and closed my eyes. My muscles and bones ached in relief. I gently scrubbed my body rinsing and repeating. I shampooed my hair and then stepped out of the tub pulling the clog. I wrapped a towel around my body and hair.

I walked into my room and searched the closet for some decent clothes. I dried and got ready. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked better than before. I didn't bother putting on makeup because why would I?

I grabbed my phone and jogged downstairs for something to eat. I looked through the cupboards and fridge but there was nothing.

Well what do you think? Not go for groceries and expect the cupboards to be bursting with goodies. My subconscious shot at me. I rolled my eyes and sat on one of the stools. I text my mom letting her know that I was ready.

I had to go to the support group today. It might seem that I was excited but I just really wanted to get out of this house. It was suffocating to say the least bit. Everything reminded me of him. It would be better if I just got a new place but as much as I hated being reminded of him I loved it.

It probably wasn't good for my health but I just couldn't help. What can you do when you lose the most important thing or person in your life? Obviously you'll have to move on but the question is when. I think my stubbornness that kept me from letting go. Or maybe I wasn't ready to go out into the world without John.