Awake

Chapter 1

I clutch my pillow closer to my chest, holding on tight, willing myself to sleep. I had hoped that playing my favorite song on repeat would lull me right to sleep, but sleepless nights have become a routine thing for me throughout the summer. I've always been a night owl, but my habit of staying up until dawn crept up on me. At first, I was up late with my nose in a book, unable to put it down until I finished it, and then I grew to love walking to the park in my neighborhood, my only company being my music and the moon. Soon, I became restless, unable to sleep until at least six in the morning daily, so my nights were full of good books and attempts at writing, both music and stories. Often, as I was just falling asleep, I could hear the stirrings of my parents waking up, going through their morning routine. They haven't noticed much of my habits, mostly because they sleep like the dead and they're out like a light at nine o'clock, sharp.

They've always been early birds, and my brother, Lucas, is just like them. Typically, he makes it until ten or ten thirty before passing out, but I've never seen him up later unless he's cramming for a big test. My sister, Jennie, is just like me- she's big into academics like the rest of my family, but leads a double life as valedictorian and top party girl. I've always known when she's sneaking out, but I've never said a word. I keep her secrets, and she keeps mine, and its always been an unspoken pact.

Tomorrow is the first day of my senior year, and I don't think it's possible to be less excited than I am. For me, school is a prison. We're required to go and learn exactly what they tell us to, leave when we're allowed to, with people we've been stuck with our entire lives. I don't have many friends, I prefer to keep to myself. I do have one good friend, Katelyn Montanez, who has stayed with me through it all. I don't know how she did it, with my hot and cold moods, and the meltdowns. I appreciate her more than she could ever know.

I guess the best part of being a senior is having free periods. In previous school years, after school, I would find myself in the practice rooms by the band and orchestra hallway, practicing piano until Mom summoned me home for dinner. Once I scarfed down my dinner, I would find myself back at the keys in our basement, practicing until my parents went to bed. Then, it was usually just me and a book or my writing. In the past, I tried my hand at poetry, and even though Katie told me it was good, I could never believe it. I have a notebook full of it stashed away somewhere, in case I want to try again or edit some of what I've written previously. So far, I haven't felt the need to write poetry again, just stories with fantasy worlds that take me far away from where I am in the moment. As long as I can feel like I'm living in a world I create and not the real one, I feel safe and welcome there.

At two in the morning, I decide to get up and run, in an attempt to wear myself out. We have a treadmill in the basement, but nothing beats fresh air and a cool summer night. Last run of the summer, let's make it count. The park greeted me with open arms as always, and I ended up swinging before making a mad dash home at three thirty. I'm going to hate myself in the morning.

I woke up, my alarm roaring in my ear, at seven thirty the next morning. Like a zombie, I stumbled into the kitchen, fumbling around for a mug and freshly brewed coffee. I didn't bother with creamer and sugar this morning, as I had enough time to grab a mug and head back to my room to find an outfit and hopefully cover the dark circles under my eyes with concealer. On days like today, it felt like there wasn't enough concealer in the world to hide these circles, but I just have to do what I can and hope for the best. I arrived at school at about eight thirty, rushing through the doors with just enough time to sneak in through the back of the auditorium and grab a seat near the door. Our school holds a senior assembly every year, basically welcoming us back for the last year of high school, pumping us up to finish high school strong instead of succumbing to senioritis as many have before us. In the dark auditorium, I attempted at fighting sleep. With Principal Andersen's monotone droning on and on, I felt myself doze off more than once, my head falling off of my hand propping it up. Finally, the sound of cheering and clapping brought me back to the land of the living.