Burned [ Ruby Rose ]

9

"Sometimes love isn't enough."

CHARNAE

I wake up in a room filled with lights. Bright white lights. My head hurts like hell. Where am I?

"You're finally awake." A woman in blue scrubs says to me. "You were out for a couple of days. I'll have a doctor come in to speak with you."

I just nod my head at her. What could the doctor have to tell me? I know I bumped my head pretty hard but other then that I should be fine...right? I move my hand to my stomach to feel my baby bump but nothing is there. NOTHING IS THERE? The doctor walks in as i start gasping for air.

"Where is my baby!? Oh god, where is my baby!?" I'm sobbing. I can't believe this. Where is my child!?

"I have a few things to go over with you Ms. Williams, please calm down." He attempts to touch my shoulder and I knock his hand off of me.

"Where is my baby! Where is my baby! Please tell me where my baby is..." I try to get off of the bed, I have to go. I can't stay here. I can't.

"Ma'am please calm down. You must stay in bed, you aren't fully healed. Please let me talk to you." The doctor persists. "You experienced a lot of stress and trauma to your head and stomach. You had few brain bleeds but we also had to conduct an emergency c-section. We did all that we could but your daughter did not make it. I'm terribly sorry for your loss."

All I feel is a wave of pure anguish and despair. My baby? Gone? No longer here? It can't be. I can't believe this. I can feel my heart breaking. I can feel everything just shutting down. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this." I keep repeating this to myself. How can I go on knowing I'm never going to meet my baby, to hold my baby? I never got to do a gender reveal, have a baby shower....There was so much I had planned. My baby was a little girl. My beautiful princess that i'll never get to meet. I didn't get to say goodbye. Oh god, I couldn't even hold her.

Ruby then walks in with several bags in her hand. By the look on her face they must've told her when I first got to the hospital. She stares at me with a look that tears my heart apart.

"Charnae." She says. Her voice is soft and gentle. I don't respond. I don't know what to say. What is there to say? I was missing for a month or so, came back to just be faced with bad news repeatedly. My baby had no chance of surviving with everything going on. Ruby takes a few steps towards me, testing to see if I'll tell her to stay back. I don't. I start to feel tears fall down my face and before I know it I'm crying, more like sobbing. I can't stop. I don't know what to do or how to handle what's going on.

She sits on the side of my bed and holds me. Without saying anything she then lays down with me. By now the doctor had left on his own accords. She holds me in silence. About an hour goes by before the tears stop. My breathing slows and starts to even out. I still can't believe the news I've been given.

"I am here with you Charnae, for the rest of my life. I will help guide you through times such as these. We are forever. I will stand by you at your worst as I know you would for me. Don't feel alone my love. I am here with you. Always." She reached for my hand and caresses it.

"Always." I say softly back to her.

~

I have been in the hospital for 2 weeks. I was told I'd be able to leave today and I am grateful. Ruby has been doing everything she can to make me feel better. She's fast asleep on the little couch off to the side of the wall. I appreciate her so much. She's truly an angel that I do not deserve. Although, the past two weeks has been so hard to cope with and I know it's only going to get harder.