Evan's POV:
At this point in time I could say that I was being a good and responsible human being, not over-thinking anything, and being a good friend by visiting my friend who's in the hospital.
But I'd be lying.
In reality I was pacing my room, chewing on my nails and messing with the hem of my t-shirt. I hadn't visited Connor once this week which also happened to be the week before he started school again and I felt terrible and awful and all things in between. I didn't deserve to be there when he woke up but I was. I made friends with him and found out under the tough exterior he was a good person. Then I realized I was supposed to be there for him and I wasn't. Tomorrow would be his first day back to school and I hadn't talked to him at all.
As for my reasons, I had multiple. First off I wasn't okay, I wasn't funny or cool or confident like every other kid in my grade. No I was just me, someone who had really bad social anxiety, if I dissapeared no one would notice and doubted myself so badly that I managed to mess up because I would try too hard to not mess up. If anything I would make Connor's life worse or he'd realize all of these things and drop me.
Secondly, I didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to do? Connor was known as the school druggie to most people. Most of our fellow peers avoided him at all costs and believed that if you made friends with him that it was social suicide. I mean, the first time I met him he pushed me into the lockers next to me, later on stealing my letter and yelling at me again. But, then again he was also the same guy who helped me out of what would've been a really bad panic attack and also comforted me by saying he was better.
I knew he was lying. He wasn't anywhere near better and I knew that. It was kind of hard to not know.
I genuinely wanted to help Connor because I didn't want anyone to feel what I felt on a daily basis. I didn't want anyone to feel alone. I especially didn't want Connor to feel that way, because during the times when I visited him he was a genuinely nice person, he tried his hardest not to snap at me and when he did it seemed to be out of his control. All in all he was a good person who didn't deserve to feel alone. I needed to fix things with him and I needed to make everything better. Not just for him but for me as well.
Plus, after everything that's happened... I can say with certainty that Connor Murphy was a nice person and friend. I didn't want to let that go.
That's the type of attitude I had when I walked into school. From the odd looks some kids gave me I probably looked determined, like a man on a mission. I looked around for a second and noticed Connor almost immediately because of how tall he was, seriously the kid was tall, and his signature long hair.
"C-Connor!" I called out trying to get his attention. I felt my cheeks flush and I was probably a dark red as I heard my stutter. That was super embarrassing. I shook my head and started forward, trying to control my blush.
Hopefully if I explain and apologize everything will be okay.
I knew from the second he looked at me that it wasn't going to be okay.
Connor noticed my voice and turned to me with a hurt expression masked by anger. He didn't move or say anything as he saw me still trying to make my way to him though the crowd of people. I was actually getting pretty close, but then Connor glared at me.
