Trigger warning: Panic attack
Evan's POV:
"Holy shit, Evan!" Connor said, which was fair as I was a mess of a human being on the floor of a random janitors closet. He quickly put his and, from the looks of it, my stuff on the floor after closing the door. All I did after Connor spoke was curl into an even tighter ball and whimper slightly. He looked at me in a helpless manner, he didn't know how to help me, not in a panic attack as bad as this.
Connor had knelt down in front of me and tried to look me in the eyes, he opened and closed his mouth trying to form words, I looked up at him and tried to assess the situation.
Connor Murphy, who had just recently yelled at me, was kneeling down in front of me with a worried stricken face as I continued to try to calm myself down so my panic attack wouldn't get any worse.
This was a fairly interesting day to say the least.
Connor had composed and was talking but all I heard was the ringing in my ears. I wanted to hear what he was saying, I wanted this to be over, but I still couldn't exactly form coherent words so I just looked at him questioningly and tried to listen to what he was saying as I cried and tried to breathe, which proved to be a difficult task.
"-Evan I'm sorry okay, I'm so so sorry, I didn't think this would happen and I was just angry and you accidentally fell into my line of fire, this is no where near your fault, but Evan if you're going to get through this panic attack you are going to have to help me okay? Breathe, just breathe and tell me if there's something I can do. Is there something I can do? Evan please, please help me, I don't know what to do." He said clearly panicked.
I tried to think, my brain was scrambled, I didn't know where to start, but Connor needed me right now as much as I needed him. Which, in my case, was a lot.
My hand was shaky, it almost seemed like someone, an unknown entity, was shaking it vigorously just so I had no mode of communication. Either way I used that shaky hand to point at my backpack. Connor looked from my bag back to me with a questioning glance.
"p-p-pills" my voice sounded horse, and the word was rushed and airy but Connor caught on and started to rummage through my bag. I tried to breathe but I couldn't, I couldn't breathe.
"Evan, Evan, listen to me okay, listen to me and only me, feel the ground, okay? Here's your pills, take them." Connor said, gently grabbing my hands and putting the pill bottle in them. I tried to twist the cap but it wouldn't budge, well shit.
"Fuck, here give it to me. You also need something to drink don't you. Fuck, okay uh, h-here," Connor stuttered out, opening the pill bottle for me. "try to take them dry for now, if you really need it I'll try to got a water or something." Connor finished sitting back.
I grabbed a couple of pills out of the bottle and put them in my mouth, cringing at the taste, before swallowing them dry. That method caused a fit of coughing and gagging which wasn't at all fun but Connor was there, patting my back and telling me that it was alright, but to try to not throw up, it would mean I had to take the pills again.
After a while I gained control of my coughing and dry-heaving and was just trying to bring myself out of my panic. Tears were still streaming down my face and my breathing was still erratic but at this point my mind was less scrambled. I covered my mouth to stifle my sobs.
"Hey, hey, don't do that, it's okay just- wait, uh can I hug you?" Connor said with a concerned edge ho his voice.
I needed to speak or make some sort of movement. I had to do something. This whole time I directed my attention at the ground, never being able to meet his eyes, but I finally did and tried to focus him so I could give an answer. So I focused on his eyes, picking at every detail. He had blue-gray eyes in general but in his right eye he had a speck of brown in the corner. How did I not notice. Along with his multicolored eyes they were laced with concern and worry, along with some panic. He was being genuine.
I nodded.
He moved forward and pulled me into a hug. I stuck my face into his shoulder and clung onto his jacket like if I let go he would dissapear and I'd be left alone again. I didn't and never have wanted to be alone. It just so happened that most of the time I was. The problem was that now I was clinging onto someone who doesn't even want to be my friend.
"I-I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry, I-I am so so s-so sorry." I rambled out.
"what are you talking about? Evan you shouldn't be sorry for anything..."
"I-I shouldn't have t-thought that a-a-after everything I did you would even consider being my f-friend..." I stutter out, my crying causing breaks in my sentence.
"No, no Evan look at me," he pushed me back so I could look at him and ducked his head so he could make eye contact with me. "you did nothing wrong. You were trying to apologize and I snapped, that wasn't your fault. I just get super angry and it gets taken out on the people who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. If anything I'm the one who should be fucking sorry, which, I am." Connor ranted.
"B-But- At the cafe-" I started to protest. Connor just shook his head and pulled me back into our hug.
He held me like that until my medication kicked in and I started calming down. By the time my panic attack was over it lunch and half of our next period had gone by. I always hated that about panic attacks. They could last from 20 minutes to an hour if it was a particularly bad one.
Connor took me to the councilors office afterwards, saying that 'I just went through a fucking panic attack, I need to be at home resting.' Which, to my slight displeasure, was true. Panic attacks drained me and if I stayed I probably wouldn't last till the end of the day.
Long story short I got a pass to go home, which would've been normal except for the fact that Connor decided to skip so he could drive me home. Which I actually appreciated because that meant I didn't have to bother my mom, it even ment she didn't exactly need to know.
Connor walked me out and walked to the car, taking the keys from his bag and unlocking the car while asking me about my address, which I gave awkwardly.
"D-Don't you and Zoe t-take the same car to s-school?" I asked quietly getting into the passenger's side.
"I mean, yeah, why?" Connor said questioningly.
"Shouldn't you tell her?" I said, we couldn't just leave Zoe without a car to get home with.
Connor sighed, he looked at my more than likely worried gaze, and took out his phone, probably texting Zoe about the ride before turning his phone off and putting it on his pocket.
The ride was silent.
It was nice.
I spotted my house and pointed to it. As Connor turned the car to pull into my driveway I looked at Connor. I sighed and looked back down at my hands and fiddled with the hem of my shirt.
"thanks..." I said quietly, "You really didn't have to help me, at all."
"That's the thing Hansen," he turned to look at me after pulling into my driveway. "I really really did."
A/N: Oh my god you guys are sO sWeeT aWe. In the last chapter you guys were so sweet and said so many nice things just aWh, I smiled so big you dont even kNoW. So here's a tree bros bonding moment (woo!) Anyways yeah that's all, I just wanted to appreciate you all for a second okay, love you all!
