Sugar-Coated Lies

23: Coffee

Iris

"I love you, Iris, I would throw it all way just to love you. There are a lot of things that I could do without, but you were never one of them."

These words echoed in my mind for the next week, I at first didn't think he felt much for me but after hearing this it made me realize that he is as much in love with me as I am with him, I knew for a fact that things wouldn't turn out the way I wanted if I gave up everything I had now for Scott.

Anna was my first priority, I wanted to tell him that she was his daughter but I can't right now with the wedding and everything at stake.

I aimlessly walked around the office, trying to find something to distract me but there was nothing.

I decided to go home before I drive myself mad, at the office, everything seemed under control so I could take the afternoon off to finalize the wedding plans and get Anna from school. For some reason when I drove by Scott's new constructed restaurant I decided to stop.

I walked into the building, there were a few people around, carrying in furniture and some were busy at the bar. I looked around, contemplating what the hell I was doing here. I knew that I had no reason to be here but something inside me yearned to see Scott again. His words hit hard.

I made my way to the kitchen, there were a few people there cooking, amongst them was Scott.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me.

"Iris, what are you doing here?" He asked breathlessly.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, he had a glint in his eyes that certainly ignited when he saw me.

He gestured to one of the chefs around to bring coffee, Scott pulled off his apron and set it down on the table, heading to the new mahogany seats. I slowly followed behind.

"Take a seat." He smiled and then took the two coffees from the chef.

I took the seat in front of him, he studied my face and shook his head with a smile.

"So you don't know why you're here?" I shook my head.

"No idea. I think it might be because we have a few things we've left unsaid." The air around us tensed up, I could feel the heaviness rise in my chest.

"There isn't much for me to say, I love you, you love me, I'd do anything in this world to touch you again but our position is clear, you're getting married soon and I am going to get engaged soon."

I could feel the need for his touch growing, it was so wrong and it is certainly because I haven't had sex in a few months.

I let my eyes slide down to my hands in my lap, my fingers were itching to be traced over his day old stubble and to be holding onto him as he made me forget all my problems but it was unfair to all the parties involved in this.It was just another fantasy that he couldn't fulfill.

Would I have an affair? With Scott that would be yes but morally I wouldn't be able to live with myself. The sexual tension between us was mounting but knowing he had another woman who loves him was more than enough to cool my jets. I couldn't imagine competing against such a beauty, I don't want to cause them any harm.He deserved a woman like her, a woman who could make him as happy as he is now.

"Does your girlfriend know about your sexual adventures?" He shrugged.

"Partly yes, the days of my sexual adventuring are over. But my dear Iris, your wish is still my command." When he spoke those words I could feel a shiver running through my spine, thankfully no one could hear our conversation.

" I have one wish but I think that's a wish even you couldn't fulfill." He raised his eyebrow.

"Try me."

"I wish this was simple." He shook his head.

"But it is, just say no- you have my number. I have to get back." He stood up when he saw one of his chefs wave at him to come closer in a bit of a panic.

I stood up grabbing my bag and heading back to my car. I had to go get Anna from preschool.

Every time I spoke to Scott I would just end up confused about what I wanted.

While driving home with Anna I daydreamed about life and how it would've looked if Scott and I stayed instead of left. I'd still have Anna but I'd also have Scott, maybe he'd still be a restaurateur and I'd still start my business. Or maybe things could've ended horribly.

James was already home when we entered, I saw his car parked outside which was strange since he'd not really be at home this time of day. I walked in while Anna was holding my hand and I had her bag in my other hand with my purse. I set them down on the table.

When I stepped into the house something didn't feel right, I looked around but I didn't see James.

"Anna, go to the kitchen and wait for me, do not move and do not make a sound." She saw that I had my very serious face on and nodded trying to quietly sit. I trod carefully upstairs, James would never be upstairs unless he is either sleeping or getting dressed. If he worked from home he would be in the living room or at the table in the kitchen.

I looked around when I heard something, I opened the door to the bedroom to find James in bed.

He wasn't sleeping, anything but. He was having sex, with the babysitter named Samantha. She was about ten years his junior, just to add insult to injury.

They didn't see me or hear me, not with all the moaning she was doing. So that's all the afternoon meetings he was having?

This explains why he hasn't wanted to touch me in all these months.

I retreated back down the stairs, grabbing Anna and our bags while making my way back to the car in a hurried strut.

I felt a slight numbing inside of me, Anna sensed my sullen mood and handed her teddy to me as I was driving.

"Mr. Fluffsy makes me feel better mommy." She looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, the same shade as Scott. I could feel the tears slide down my cheeks. She deserved a father but certainly not James.

"Thank you." I set the teddy bear down on my lap.

I think I deserved to be cheated on, just because I still contemplated being with Scott and daydreaming about what we could've been.

I decided to take Anna to the park for a few hours, it was still sunny and I think she would enjoy playing with other children and not be preoccupied with my outraged and miserable mood.

I took a seat on the bench and watched her as she pattered up the slide and clung to the monkey bars. I'd always be a mother that would never change and Scott would always be her father that would also never change.

I know she needs her father and I also know that Scott would love her a lot, I had no excuse to keep her him, none, I just had this guttural feeling that it's always been the wrong time but now it's starting to shift. I think it's time to tell him, to let it all out for Anna's sake. I wanted to tell him before James came into the picture, but I thought that it would be easier if I didn't.

As night drew closer I decided to go back home, to talk to James and kick his sorry ass out of my house. Goddamit he cheated on me in my own house, in my bed, that took some balls.

I wasn't outraged at him, I knew that a man like him would never really be happy with someone like me, I think I was angry at myself for letting my mind run wild about Scott. A part of me was relieved to find out before we got married, maybe this wasn't a punishment for my daydreams, and maybe it was a way of life giving me another chance.

I need to talk to Scott, tell him about Anna. It's time.