#1 of THE E L I T E Series
"No one ever said being apart of a powerful group of rich people was easy,"
*Warning, this is triggering and does include self harm, read at your own risk*
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I lied earlier. You know, when I said I couldn't be anything but a model because of lack of actual talent. I lied. I could've be anything I wanted to. A swimmer, a gymnast, a footballer, an artist, a musician, anything really. I could've been the greatest.
I had the talent, I had the opportunities, I had the passion, I had everything I needed to pursue those dreams but I didn't. Those voices in my head told me I couldn't. I had no choice but to listen.
"Beauty doesn't last forever Katie, make the most of it now,"
"In order to become an athlete you actually have to be good at sports,"
"If you can't pose in a simple photoshoot, you certaintly can't expect others to do the same for you as a photographer,"
"Art is extraordinary, and in order to create art, you must be art. You're just... Ordinary,"
"Music makes others happy, if you can't do that for yourself than you can't do it for others,"
So I modelled. It wasn't easy but I managed at least. I was 'a pretty face' and nothing else. I could learn to pose but I couldn't learn to be beautiful. It was good enough for them so it was good enough for me. I left dreamland where I was a famous athlete, or musician or artist and went to the real world. Where I was nothing but a pretty face. Valued for my looks and not for my brain.
But I don't like myself. I don't value myself- nor did they. I don't remember the last time I did, or if a time like that ever existed.
So that's why I lied. Because without modelling, without being the perfect Katie Darlington I need to be, I don't hold any value. To anybody.
Not even to myself.
*** "What lesson do we have now Miki?" I asked Mikayla, walking out of the lunch hall with our arms linked.
"Double PE, our last lesson of the day, thank God," she stopped at her locker and took out her PE bag, swinging it over her shoulder and leading the way to the girls changing rooms.
"Cool, I need to find Cass straight after because she needs to try on the dress my mum made her, it's gorgeous," I gushed, waiting for Mikayla to enter the changing rooms before entering afterwards.
"I still need to find a dress, without the dress code, I can't start looking yet," she shrugged stripping off her shirt.
I frowned, "it's red and white, didn't Harry already tell you?"
