Modest Heart

My Storm

Chapter Three: My Storm

HALAAT

"Halaat it's the fifth dress you have tried on," Layla complained. I look at her tired face.

"Halaa you need to choose a dress," Rania said in a calming voice. I couldn't choose a dress- so - many beautiful dresses to choose from. I twirled around in the sixth dress, I tried on. I looked at the details and almost fall in love.

"I like this one," I said still mesmerised at the dress - through my reflection.

"Good because that's the one you are taking," Layla said in a commending voice. I liked the dress, so I bought it.

We decided to eat in a Turkish restaurant, my favourite. We took our sits, the waitress came and welcomed us. I already knew what I wanted. Honey spiced chicken and rice. Layla and Rania ordered for their meals, after looking at the menu.

We started talking and talking. Non - stop. "Imad is such a perfectionist, he keeps on telling mother that everything must be perfect for his wife - to - be," Rania said.

"Haha," I laughed. Layla was lost in her world, probably thinking of sleep. Rania started singing lovey dovey arabic songs. I choked on my drink, with laughter. Layla joined in with Rania. I covered my eyes with my hands, and blushed. Suddenly my heart started to pain. I placed my hand on my heart and prayed a dua.

"Are you okay?" Layla asked.

"She's okay Layla, she's only thinking of her beloved..." Rania said.

"Ad..am..." I say his name unsure. Their eyes widen as they starred at me in disbelief.

"Halaat!" Rania snapped. I bit my lip. I was thinking out loud. I don't know but I have a weird feeling that Adam is not okay.

Layla holds my hand and comforts me. Rania's cold stare didn't leave me. "Halaat you said Adam ..." Layla said in a soft- tone, as if I was a child and I had sin.

"I did?" I ask, hoping my acting was not as obvious. Our meals arrived- to my rescue. We ate in silence and after eating our delicious meals, Rania dropped Layla and I home. She didn't come over, too busy, she claimed.

We enter our apartment. I sat on the couch and took deep breathes. Layla gave me a glass of water, she was the only one who saw past the charade. "What's wrong..." she spoke-being interrupted with the door bell.

She opens the door, only to find my mother? My jaw drops, heart flutters. My mother is here, in Abu Dhabi. I rush to welcome her, hugging and greeting her. "Ummi.." I say.

"Halaat habibity, how are you?" She spoke- her eyes smiling. Her voice an echo to my thoughts. I hug her once more to assure my mind. Tears slowly trickle down my cheek. She wipes my tears and kisses me on my forehead.

She sat on the couch, I embraced her warm hug and assuring voice. "Halaat your fiancé told me to come. He insisted, he even offered to pay for the ticket," my mum said while stroking my head.

Layla brought my mum a cup of tea. "Ummi I am scared," I said and hugged her. I felt like a little five year old, afraid of the monsters under my bed. I cried in her care, all she kept on repeating was "It's going to be okay..." (in arabic- soothingly)

I let go of her and fall asleep. Next to my mother, next to my home.

Later in the day. Ummi gave me pep talks, about moving on and happiness, to trust in Gods plan. Layla listened so keenly and so did I.
Imad is the reason of my mother's arrival in Abu Dhabi. Ummi was supposed to return with me after one month. So she could meet Imad's family officially, but Alhamdulliah she came early. I am so happy.

I should call Imad and thank him.

"Assalam alaykum Imad," I said in a -loud whispering tone.

"Waalikum salam," he replied.

"Thank yo.." I was about to say- when he said.

"Halaat I don't think we should get engaged." I breath out, heart throbbing and tears filling my eyes. "I know you haven't moved on and you are still in love with your ex husband. It's okay, I understand. I can not marry you if I am only to be your husband by name and to have your heart else-where. I am sorry for pressuring you to make a decision. We both need time- to think things through."

I hang up the phone. I sat on the floor, praying to my God. To stop my heart from breaking- once more. This is my cruel fate, I thought.
How will I tell Ummi? Is that why he brought Ummi here, to comfort my broken soul? As he already planned the future.

My heart started to ache again. So much pain, I thought. But I didn't mind- pain and I are old friends. 'I deserve this,' I told my myself in vain. I dared my self not to cry, but truth is my tears is my way to heal. I thought of Adam, I curse him. I did.

So many emotions- I didn't know what to feel.
Anger, love, sadness, emptiness, hatred.

Hatred bloomed ...
Why does he get to move on and I suffer because of his fate. I stay in the dark because of him. No just no. I HATE HIM! After all he promised me, after all the things he said to me and than he divorced me as if I was nothing. How am I supposed to forget... I hate you Adam.

I will never look at you the same way. You will never get my sympathy, and if you remember...
I said and my heart dropped. I closed my eyes and cried even more.

Y-uo, you kicked me out, you pushed me away, you took my heart and smashed it. Fragile as it is, you keep on stepping on the broken pieces still.

Oh Adam you have no idea how much pain you caused...

I cry and cry, my mum heard my cries. She came into my room and didn't say word. Ummi sat on the floor, besides me - I hugged her. No words could be uttered, silence was spoken and understood. Pain was seen, and it was devastating.