Since You Left Me

That Day

When I woke up at seven that same morning I had a missed call from him but no voice mail then an hour later his mom had called me, it had been two hours. But something wasn't right. My gut just had that feeling.  Something was wrong. I called him back but no answer so I called her. Something was wrong I could tell. I could tell just by hearing her sobbing on the other end of the line. "Oh Bella im so glad you called back please I need you to come over." I could hear her voice breaking too often as I quickly started to get up frantically. "Why what's wrong?" I asked frantically yanking a jacket off of my chair and running out of my bedroom door. "Just come Bella." She said crying harder to where I could barely understand her.

I rushed over to Eli's house, not bothering to get my truck since he lived literally a few hundred yards away. I hightailed it pumping my legs and using my arms to push me faster. A million horrible sceneries ran through my mind. I almost couldn't take it. It felt as if it took years to get down the sandy beach. Out of breath and finally seeing his house come into my view is when I skidded to an abrupt stop almost falling over. The sight was almost unbearable. Police tape everywhere, keeping everyone from his house. Dozens of neighbors lined around whispering and talking as I saw a gurney. Sirens flashing, blue and red lighting up the sky as the sun was newly in the sky. Police everywhere, walking around and talking to people. My eyes flew to the gurney as I stealthily ducked under the police tape. A black bag sat on top of it, police tried shielding it from the people but they weren't doing a very good job. A body. That's what was in that bag. I had seen enough TV shows to know what was inside. The only other person I didn't see was Eli but I couldn't believe it. He had to be around here somewhere. I spotted Eli's mother sobbing. I ran over to her and noticed Jordan, Braxton, and Ben all crying in different places on the yard. They never cried. They were all tough guys who didn't feel. My eyes confusedly looked at each one of them as they wiped tears away. Ben even punched the tree next to him, but recoiled at the pain. 

Dax was there but he was just as confused as me. "What happened?" I asked. Deep down I knew something terrible had happened to Eli, he was most likely the one in that black bag, but I didn't want to believe it.  "Where is Eli? What's going on?" I yelled with tears streaming down my cheeks. "Oh honey." Eli's mom said before bursting into tears. She rambled but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I frantically looked around but everything was spinning. Nothing stayed still. I felt like I was going to be sick. I felt as if I would throw up. I clenched my stomach before hurling but nothing came up. Dax walked up with tears almost in his eyes and the spinning seemed to vanish. He held my hair back as I finally did hurl right there on the lawn. "What's going on?" I cried as Dax pulled me into his chest wiping my face with the shirt he had just taken off, leaving him in a muscle shirt. "Bella, Eli died. He's gone."

I just stared at Dax for a minute or two trying to read his face and shaking my head. "The jokes not funny, i know yall like to play jokes but this one isn't funny." Dax hung his head before putting a hand on each of my shoulders. When he looked back up I knew what I didn't want to believe. I knew he wasn't joking. His hazel eyes said it all with his own tears threatening to spill, the toughest of them all was crumbling right in front of me. "Its not a joke Eli's gone im sorry." Dax finally cried saying those words. "No how? What? No not Eli he. What?" I cried out as I fell to the ground hard. Hitting my knees and hands on the cemented walkway where Dax and I were standing. A police officer then walked up to me and Dax. "Are yall friends of Elijah John Marks?" He asked as if he didn't care. I wanted to spit right there on his shoe at how he disrespected my best friend but I didn't. "Eli he doesn't like Elijah."

I spit out wiping my tears and steadying myself against Dax who was not that much bigger than me. He had picked me up and secured me with his arm around my shoulders. He was a lot stronger than he looked. "Im sorry are you two friends of Eli?" He asked looking from me to Dax sympathetically. I nodded as Dax did the same but I started to cry again. "How long have yall known him?" The officer looked passed us and motioned to another about something I couldn't see. "Um I've only known him for about four weeks if that and well Bella has known him since sixth grade I think." Dax said answering for me. I nodded so he would know he was right. "Why would he do this, like has his behavior changed lately?" He finally looked me in the eyes as I looked up at Dax, who sighed running a hand through his hair. He was rattling his brain trying to think and here i was crying. "I don't know I barely knew him." Dax answered not knowing what else to say. "Yes!" I yelled out, "He's been more distant but he got better. He has been happier the last day or two. Why, what happened, how did he die?" The officer looked from Dax then back to me. "Suicide. Bel. He committed suicide." My heart sank as I looked at the ground. He killed himself. Why? What happened? "Im so sorry." The police officer said acting like he didn't want to tell us. I stared at him blank faced not sure if I should believe him. "What? No Eli would never. No." i said crying as the police officer said thank you and Dax pulled me into a hug and just held me his hand protectively over my head and on my back as he buried me further into his chest.

The tears flowed even more and the rest of the day was blurry. All I know is that I sat next to all of my friends at Dax's house crying and throwing reasons of why he would do it. "His dad was giving him a hard time." Ben said angrily pacing in front of all of us. "He barely saw his dad." I said. "Maybe he was stressed, like overwhelmed." Braxton shrugged looking at the floor. "He was fine." I said blankly. "Maybe someone was harassing him." Jordan spat out holding his head in his hands. "He was liked by everyone." I said staring out of the rain soaked window. No one said anything else, we just sat there staring.

"Daxxy look at my Barbie doll." Ava said running in holding a brown haired doll with greenish eyes and freckles. "Oh Bella it looks like you." She said running over and jumping in my lap, smiling up at me with her happen innocent, smile. I smiled slightly faking it for the little six year old on my lap. "Can we watch Finding Nemo?" She asked looking at all of us. Dax slowly stood and popped the DVD in and sat back down.  Everyone sat there not moving as the movie went on but when it finished I cried. I walked out of the back door and stood leaning on a tree sobbing. A shadow stopped right behind me as I looked out blinking. Two arms wrapped around my shoulders as his head buried itself between my shoulder and neck. "You okay?" He mumbled as I scoffed. "Is anyone these days?" I asked as he dropped his arms before rounding me. He stood facing me. "Was he saved?" I looked into his eyes. "What?" I asked looking past his shoulder. "Did he believe in God did he get saved?" I nodded after a second of looking at the rainy looking sky. "Yeah we were 13 it was the only time I've ever been to church." "Why?" He asked as I shrugged and confusedly looked at him wondering why he was asking me why. I wasn't really paying attention to him in the first place. "I don't know why are you asking?" I asked getting slightly annoyed. "Well I just wanted to know, wait, you've only been to church once?" He said slightly defensively before softening. I nodded as he put a hand on each of my shoulders pulling me closer to him. "You were the closest to him out of all of us right?" I nodded again. "Why did he do it then with him being saved?" I looked up then back at the him. "I don't think I could ever do that. I'm a Christian and well murder is a sin so how could he do it?" He continued asking. "How am I supposed to know?" I asked coldly as the tears started filling my eyes at the thought of him murdering himself. Such a hateful word. Murder. "Well you knew how he thought." I shook my head as I stepped back watching his hands fall to his sides. "Not like this. He. Well I wasn't there he was supposed to call me and tell me something and I fell asleep its all my fault." "No Bella its not." He said taking a step closer to me. Dax-he-he needed me." I cried remembering how I promised to answer and I fell asleep. I fell asleep and didn't answer the one call he needed me to answer the most. "Its okay." Dax said walking up to me and hugging me. I melted into the hug as I cried into his chest yet again.

If you,

loved one(s), or friend(s) is/are contemplating suicide. Get help! Don't hesitate.