Since You Left Me

Fearless

After dinner Dax led me to what im guessing is his room. "This place is messy." I muttered under my breath as he chuckled and managed to make it to the closet in the corner of his room without tripping. I just stood in the doorway as he appeared about a minute later with a big shotgun and a box. "Let's go out back, I have a target back there." I nodded as I followed him outside. There was a picnic table in line with the target so he set the box on that while I took a seat. "You ever shot before?" I nodded. "Okay good." He said as I shrugged. "I was like six." I said as he chuckled. "I will help you." He loaded the gun before standing a few feet in front of me. He shot one. Boom! He hit the target with ease as I smiled. "You don't have any siblings?" Dax asked as I shook my head. "Not one. Eli was like a brother." I said as Dax shrugged. "I have a brother up in Tennessee i think." I looked at him questionably. "His name is Keagan, he's like 28. Haven't seen him in years. Moved away and never looked back. I think he has like two kids. Not sure." He muttered as I nodded. He shot once again before turning to me. "Come on. Wanna turn?" I shook my head as he sighed. "Scared?" I nodded. Eli killed himself with a gun, what if something happened? "Bella, don't be. I will be right here, okay?" I nodded but didn't make an effort to move. He loaded the gun making sure it was on safety then going to hand it to me. I stepped back before shaking my head. "No you you can shoot some more." I said stuttering. You sure? He said trying to hand it to me one last time. "Yeah go ahead." He sighed but nodded. "Ok it might be a little loud, since I'm just goin to shoot one after another, but you'll get used to it. Always make sure you switch the safety on when reloading and off when shooting okay?" I nodded again. He shot a few times then switched the safety on. He hit the target every time, again. Then he turned to me and smirked. I knew I wasn't getting out of it now. "I'm going to reload show you how to hold it and then your going to push this button in and shoot whenever your ready got it?" He looked at me to confirm as I nodded slowly still frightened. "Yeah." I muttered when I realized he wanted me to speak. He did as he said and finally I had to shoot. I walked closer to where he was standing and took the gun pointing it at the target of cardboard by a fence no more than 20 feet away. "Okay put this part here in the ridge of your shoulder and hold it like this." He said stepping behind me and wrapping his arms around mine to position me correctly. "Shoot when your ready it might kick back a little but you should be fine." He said stepping back and sitting on the edge of the picnic table. So I shot three times. Boom. Boom. Boom. The pop and crackle from the last one stayed in my ears for a while. I missed every single shot i made but I was happy that I finally did it. I overcame the brutal fear inside of my own head.

"How did it feel?" He asked when I didn't make a move. "Actually pretty good." I said lowering the gun. "Put it on safety Bella don't forget." He reminded as I nodded. "Right sorry." I said clicking the button. "Its cool, wanna shoot some more?" "Nah I think that's enough for one day." He laughed slightly as I plopped down in front of him and handing him the gun. "How have you been Dax?" He blinked and drew his head back slightly while looking at me weird while unloading the gun and returning it to is case. "No, like really your always asking me now its my turn how have you been?" "Honestly?" He asked as I nodded. "100 percent honesty Dax." I said staring past him at the woodsy area of town. "Okay surprisingly ive been so focused on helping you out that ive helped myself and I know we were friends but ill never know Eli like you knew him or Braxton or Jordan knew him because he was yall's friend." I sighed and put my hand on his. I never even thought about how Eli's death affected him until just now. "He's just as much your friend as he was mine Dax." "Yeah but its different you and him have known each other for a while I only knew him for a month if that?" He shrugged but I put an arm around his shoulders as he wrapped one around my waist so we were side by side. "Yeah but that doesn't matter." "Then why wont you read his letter?" "What?" I asked looking him in the eyes finally. "Because Dax." I said sighing after a second. "Why?" He asked as I looked down. "I told you." "That's not a legitimate answer." He shook his head as I shrugged a shoulder. "Sure it is." "No it is not Bella." I sighed knowing there was no way out of answering his question. He would fight me until I answered. "Fine im scared." "Of what? What could you possibly be scared of?" "That I could have prevented it Dax, there were signs and I ignored them. I have stayed up endless nights researching the signs of suicide victims. The withdrawn attitude. Skipping school. And then all of a sudden he got really happy and it seemed like everything was going to be fine. And you know he asked me where would i be if he were never here. And when I asked why he was asking he said it was some dumb school project and I believed him how dumb can I be?" I asked looking into his hazel eyes as he shook his head. "Your not dumb Bella." "But the signs were right there and he was supposed to call me that night and he did but guess who fell asleep and missed the call me i did Dax and now he's gone." "Its not your fault Bella." "I know but I maybe could have stopped it." He sighed and shook his head, holding me tighter to his side. "Braxton and Jordan told me that his mom said he had been planning it for a few days and they think he called you to tell you goodbye because he called all four of us Bella." "Really?" I asked looking up into his hazel eyes with my own. "Yeah and none of us answered. I was out here riding one of the horses you were sleeping Braxton was eating with his family and Jordan was doing homework." I looked down at my hands. "Are you going to church Sunday?" I asked after a really long time, slightly scared  even ask. "Yeah you want to come?" I nodded. "Yeah I liked it." He smiled broadly. "That's good you should come with my family." "You sure?" I asked as he nodded as if it were a dumb question. "Yeah I think they like you and well Ava she loves you." I laughed a little as he stood up. I stood up as well picking up the box as he picked up the gun case. "Well I definitely need to teach you how to shoot." He said laughing. "I was not that bad." I scoffed as he chuckled and shrugged a shoulder. "No but you never hit the target." "Well I just didn't want to." I said playfully laughing as he opened the door for me and we walked into his house. "Hey kids your just in time to play monopoly with us." His mom smiled as his dad looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but here. "Wanna play?" He asked as Ava bounced on the couch. "Come sit by my Bewwa." Miranda sighed not wanting to be here as Lexy looked as though she might run from the house any second. I nodded and smiled as we put the stuff back where we found it in Dax's mess of a room.