I'll get you through it (A Joshifer fanfic)

Chapter 7- Remembering and goodbyes??

JENS POV

Always? I recognize that word. It was what Katniss and Peeta said to each other and what Josh and I... Oh my god, Josh! All my memories and everything I've forgotten just comes flooding back into my mind. I remember everything now, including Josh, my Josh.

"Josh?!" I look over at him and breath. "Jen?" he questions. "Wha-" I cut him off by kissing him. It's soft and sweet, yet passionate and romantic. When we pull away, he's grinning from ear to ear and I know he knows I remember. We spend the rest of the night in each other's arms, and I finally fall asleep, the first real sleep I've gotten in six months.

Two weeks later, it's time for my first chemo. The beginning of a long journey. It's going to be hard. But somehow I'll get through it. I'll have Josh at my side.

The chemo was terrible. Afterwards I'm hurting so much I can barely breathe. They end up having to hook me up to oxygen until I can breathe normally, which takes about two hours. It's absolutely awful. I don't know how Ill be able to do this for at least around a year.

It's been three months, and I'm already so weak from chemo. The doctor says the cancer is shrinking fast, which is good. Most days I'm so weak and tired I just stay in bed. It's so awful I just feel like I just want to give up. I've been seriously depressed lately, and I know it's turning into full blown depression. I've been cutting, too.

Most nights I hardest get any sleep. The only way I can even get to sleep is by crying myself to sleep or cutting and bleeding until I black out. The doctor says it's not good for me at all and I'll just make myself even more sick. I've been on oxygen 24/7 now. Apparently the cancer was really bad, a lot worse than they had originally anticipated. It's so horrible.

6 months after finding out

It's been six months now. Six terrible, hard months. At this point I can't even remember how many times I've just wanted to give up. It's officially confirmed that I have depression. I'm close to eating disorders, too. I barely eat anything. I've been cutting, a lot, and Josh found out about it two weeks ago.

I know I've just been slowly killing myself, but I honestly don't even care anymore. I'd rather be dead than have to keep suffering like this. "Jen," Josh says. "It's time to go. You've got another round of chemo."

"I don't want to go Josh. It's just too hard. I've been suffering like this for six months and I can't take it anymore! I'm just ready to give up and be done with it all," I fuss. Josh ends up picking me up and putting me in my wheelchair and pushing, which is what he has to do anymore.

It's not like it's hard for him to lift me. I've lost so much weight I only weigh like 100 pounds, not even. I've just been slowly dying and literally wasting away to nothing.

We get to the doctors, and it's the same routine as always. Chemo, pain, and in a hospital bed for four hours. This time is slightly different though. It was worse than it had been. As I was laying in the hospital bed, and my heartbeat was slowing, I thought, 'This is it. I guess it's finally the end.' "Goodbye Josh. I'll miss you. And I'll never stop loving you," I said through tears. My heartbeat was steadily slowing, and I could feel myself slipping away. Just before I was gone, Josh leaned over the side of my bed, giving me one last kiss.