what the future holds

#9

After that discussion, Lucas walked out. He hasn't been back in a few hours, but I'm not keeping track. For the majority of those hours, I've been attempting to forget what happened completely.

Try as I might, I haven't been able to shake away the thought that lurked in the back of my mind. I couldn't get rid of the fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why does Lucas still have this effect on me? After all these years apart, a year of which I've spent with my beloved boyfriend, with just a few words he can reignite a flame that I thought had extinguished a long time ago.

Josh was supposed to come back into town tomorrow afternoon, but how am I supposed to explain my weekend to him? I don't want to lie to him, it never ends well, but telling the truth might hurt him more than a fantasy would. After debating it for twenty more minutes, pacing around the hardwood floor as I did so, I decided my best option was to avoid the topic entirely. Try to change the subject if it came up, but not too desperately, because that would give it away. After settling on my plan, I felt a bit better, but still not entirely at peace.

I couldn't help but think that if he hadn't showed up at my diner a week ago, I wouldn't be having these problems. If he hadn't brought along Farkle and Riley, maybe it would've been okay. I've been avoiding Riley's texts and calls for two days. Evidently, Lucas gave Riley my new number. But each time I dodged a call or deleted a text, I felt gradually guiltier. It wasn't Riley's fault that I had left, it was mostly Lucas', but here I was acting like Riley was the bad guy. Maybe I should call her back..

As if she read my mind, Riley's name popped up on my phone. Finally, I mustered the courage to pick up.

"Hey, Riley. What's up?" I asked her, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I have no idea why I'm nervous, but anxiety knows no logic, so my fear didn't go away.

"Maya, you answered! I was wondering when you would." I could feel her warm smile from my phone screen. "Would you like to get lunch today? Farkle and I would love to chat with you." Though Riley and I haven't seen each other in years, I felt like I owed it to her to at least explain.

"Of course." I replied, cracking a small smile.

"Fantastic!" She squealed. "Meet us at gigi's at two." I agreed and hung up the phone, oddly feeling better.

I went upstairs to change, because it's currently twelve and I'm a slow dresser. I picked out a casual outfit, did minimal makeup, and walked back down the stairs an hour later. I grabbed a green apple and plopped down in front of the tv for another thirty minutes, then finally decided I should leave. I grabbed my purse and opened the door, walking into a hard surface. Funny, last I recalled I only had one layer of door.

"Maya.." Lucas stood in the doorway, eyes bloodshot and voice hoarse. It was obvious he's been drinking and smoking.

"Lucas, I'm on my way to lunch with the friends you so graciously provided to me." I said sarcastically. He didn't say a thing. "In short, move."

"I just want to explain–"

"Explain what?" I almost laughed. There was nothing left to explain. He had feelings for me, so what? I'm not going to leave my loyal and loving boyfriend for a recently emerged old flame. No matter how much my subconscious wants me to.

"Explain the reason I came here." Lucas answered, his words slightly slurred. I knew he was only explaining this because he was drunk, but I also knew that it would be the truth if I let him continue. "Maya, you left four and a half years ago without a trace. You didn't show up at Riley's before the first day of sophomore year, you weren't at class all day, and we didn't see you at Topanga's after. Riley was worried and so was I, but Mr. Matthews told us not to worry. Apparently, Shawn told him about the move, but he didn't want anyone else to know. Shawn told his best friend, Maya, because that's what best friends do and–"

"Lucas, I don't want to hear this. I don't need another reminder of how horrible a person I am for leaving. I know, okay? So leave me alone." I pushed past the drunken mess and into the street. I glanced back only once, to see Lucas sitting on my porch. There wasn't a doubt in my mind he'd be there when I got back.

♔ LUCAS ♔
{3 hours earlier}

As I walked out of Maya's house and into the street, I couldn't help but think of how much I screwed up this time. Not only did I kiss her, when she has a boyfriend, but I told her I love her. How selfish can I get? Maya's probably distraught right now trying to figure everything out, I barged in on her perfectly normal life and messed it up. I'm such a jerk.

As awful as I knew I deserved to feel, I didn't like the feeling one bit. I had to get rid of it, and there's only one way to do that. I had no idea where the nearest bar is, so in the mean time, I pulled out my cigarettes and started to inhale the fumes. The fire burned my throat, but I felt alive and distracted. Better than I've felt all day. I didn't stop, even though I knew I should.

Eventually, I wandered over to a bar named stoplight. I walked in, smelling like smoke, and trudged over to the bar.

"Single Malt Whiskey, please." I said, planting myself on a stool in front of the bar. I pulled out my fake ID and showed it to him. He quickly poured me a glass and walked over to his next customer.

"Hey, bud, what's going on with you?" Said the elderly stranger who was sitting next to me. He had grey hair and looked sadder than I did, so I explained my situation.

"There's this girl that I'm in love with. I haven't seen her in years. She just left the city five years ago and didn't tell me or her other friends where she was going. I finally tracked her down, but she has a boyfriend now. Her boyfriend's gone this weekend, so she let me stay with her, but this morning..." I trailed off, I didn't want to relive my mistake.

"You kissed her? Told her you loved her?" The guy guessed. I nodded, downing my whiskey. I gestured for another round. "Why did you do that?" The old man asked. I shrugged as the bartender poured my second round.

"I guess because this last week, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I keep wanting to see her. I knew that as soon as I saw her for the first time that I loved her. Of course it was a bad idea to tell her, but I suppose I thought it would be better to tell her when her boyfriend wasn't around." I finished my thought, and despite the four rounds of whiskey I've had, I knew it was all true.

"Did she respond?" The stranger asked.

"She got mad, so I left–"

"Do you really love her?" The man interrupted me, but not in a rude way.

"I do." I admitted, drinking my fifth round.

"Then that was your first mistake. Explain to her why you came back. Tell her how much you love her. That's your only chance." He told me. I knew he was right. I quickly paid my bill and got up, ready to go.

"Thank you. Hey, what's your name anyways?" I asked. The elderly man chuckled.

"It's Feeney. Now go, there's no time to waste." And I was off.

__________

had to incorporate feeney😂🤙🏻

i hope you guys liked this chapter!

♡ kylie