what the future holds

#10

☽MAYA☾

"Sorry I'm late, guys." I said, taking a seat at Riley and Farkle's table. "I just ran into someone on my way out." I knew it was best not to tell them who it was.

"It's alright." Farkle smiled.

"We're just glad to see you." Riley beamed. "So, I wanna know everything! What high school did you go to? What friends have you made? What college? Jobs? Hobbies? What about–"

"Riley, maybe we should slow it down–" Farkle tried to intervene but she just plowed on. It wasn't like Riley to stop when someone told her, no matter what it was.

"–your artwork? How's that going? Where are you living? How's your mom? How's Shawn? How's your boyfriend? He's a cutie," She winks. I laugh a bit, but the momentary humor doesn't replace my discomfort. Of course I love seeing Riley after all this time, but I would rather start rebuilding our relationship slowly. I don't want to jump head first into the water, I want to dip my toe in and test it out first.

"Hey!" Farkle protested.

"What are your favorite shows now? Favorite shops? What's the best pizza place around here? Oh! How about–"

"Riley!" I held my head and squeezed my eyes shut, it was getting overwhelming and I couldn't take it any longer. Her smile faltered a little bit.

"W-what?" She stammered, confused but still forcing a smile. I could tell she was hurting, but no matter how glad I was to see her, it was still weird to tell her about my whole life. It wasn't like we were still best friends, we were barely acquainted strangers.

"This is just really overwhelming, Riley. I mean, I didn't even know you were coming here, hell, I haven't seen you in five years! I'm sorry, but this is too much too fast." Riley's smile dropped completely, and I immediately regretted talking.

"Too fast? Oh I'm sorry, Maya, that I want to catch up with you! I'm sorry that I'm asking too many questions!" Riley practically yelled, I shrank under her glare. Riley could get mad, who knew? Seems like everybody's changing around here. I didn't like it one bit, but I could deal for now. "You know, Maya, maybe I wouldn't have to ask these things if you hadn't run away. Maybe if you had just said something instead of being a coward I wouldn't have to–"

"Coward?" I hissed the word. If there was one word that didn't apply to me, it was coward. I spent my entire life being strong, for my mom after my dad left. I was strong for Riley when she was going through all that Lucas drama. I was strong for Paisley countless times, and for Josh during his parents divorce. I was strong, or at least I pretended to be. How could she call me that?

"Yeah, Maya. Lucas told us why you actually left. Why you didn't tell me, you thought I'd be hurt? Well what hurt the most was that my best friend disappeared."

"Riley, I'm sorry–"

"Maya, enough. After all those years apart I realized that I don't need you anymore. In fact, I never want to see you again." And with that she stormed out. Farkle looked shocked, and I couldn't blame him.

"She could never have done that when I was her best friend." I admitted. "What happened? Why are all of you changing?"

"Maya, you left us. At first we were worried, really worried. Then we found out you were fine, and for the first time we had an excuse to be mad. I guess Riley just never let go of that." Then Farkle paid the check and left me sitting there, drowning in guilt.

__________

It was dark as I walked home. After Riley and Farkle left, I didn't have a clue where to go. I knew that Lucas was still waiting for me on my porch, I had no idea where Paisley was, and my mother and Shawn were not an option. So I had wandered the city for hours, thinking about how I messed everything up. If I had refused to leave, the Matthews might have let me stay with them. I would still be best friends with Riley and Farkle and Lucas. If I hadn't have left, everything might be okay. I could be happy, I could be with Lucas, Riley could continue to influence me, Farkle could continued to make me laugh every day. I gave all of that up because I felt excluded. Riley was right, I was a coward. I left them. And they might never be able to forgive me.

I realized that I had subconsciously walked home. Still sitting on my porch was Lucas Friar, sober but alone. I walked up the front steps and sat down next to him. We leaned our heads back against the door and sat there in silence for a while.

"I'm sorry that I told Riley." Lucas finally muttered. I knew what he was talking about, and I wasn't mad at him. If he had done this at any other time, I would've punched him, no doubt. But as I sat there next to him, looking up at the starry sky that you could never see from New York City, I didn't blame him for anything.

"It's not your fault, Lucas. You've spent the last five years with Riley, I haven't. It's okay that you chose her." I accepted defeat. I couldn't be mad forever, eventually a girl gets exhausted.

"Maya, I'm so sorry." Lucas said, his voice was hoarse, but not from cigarettes. It was full of emotion. "I know I put you through so much pain. I chose your best friend over you and that is the biggest regret of my life. Maya, I told you I could never hurt you and as soon as you turned around I stabbed you in the back." His words were genuine, and even though I couldn't see his face in the dark night, I knew he had tears in his eyes. "I don't want to hear you say you're sorry. Ever. This whole situation is entirely my fault. After I chose Riley, I knew right away that she was the wrong girl. I blocked you out, Maya, because I couldn't stand being reminded of my mistake. I drove you away, and it's my fault that you never came back." Now tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want to make noise, I didn't want to break Lucas' trance and make this about me. His words were beautiful and genuine, and in that moment I forgot about everything that had happened since I left. I pulled myself closer to him and held his hand tightly, rubbing it with my thumb ever so gently.

"Maya, I just want you to be happy."

"Lucas.." I stopped, I had no idea how to finish that sentence. I still love Josh, so much, but there was something about being with Lucas that made me feel alive.

Boy there was going to be a lot of explaining when Josh got home.

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so this chapter was emotional 💔

sorry it was a little short :/

hope you liked it!

♡ kylie