Shut Up. (Sequel To Art School)

They Hear The Silent Screams Too

   Destinys POV

I am not a broken girl nor am I a perfect girl. But I know my rights from wrongs and I know what I am supposed to do; I just don't always do what I'm supposed to do.

Like for example, my nightmares came back and I'm supposed to go back to therapy if that happens.  Supposed to. But I don't, I don't go back to therapy and I don't tell Josh they're back.

Everything was fine before she came back. We were all sad and scared, but now something's off.  She's off.  She doesn't speak anymore.  She doesn't whisper.  She doesn't work.  She's broken.  She doesn't work. 

And I said those exact words to Mikey.  That didn't go well though; he yelled at me.  He said I needed help- the problem is that he is the guidance counselor- he is the help.  But he won't help me, which means nobody will help me, which means I'm stuck in a very, very,  very bad situation. 

I want to say something but I don't want to get in trouble.

So I stay silent.

But what nobody knows is that I don't sleep at all anymore. I got these special pills from ebay and I haven't slept in awhile now.  I learned that Kaylee cries less now. I think her stop talking worked for her; it broke Mikey again; but it works for her. So it's okay,  I think.

I hope.

Because I don't sleep anymore I don't feel safe spending the night at Josh's place.  So I kind of just do what he wants and I go home.  Which is very awkward. 

Josh is very clingy after sex.  He wants to snuggle and ask me what's wrong and I just want to get out.  It's troublesome.

Not just out of his house but out of his life.

I am not suicidal I just don't like it here.  I don't like it here one bit. Nowadays I am treated like a watchdog.  Every morning Mikey texts me take sure Kaylee has eaten.  In between classes at least twice each Zoey and Erin text me to see if Kaylee "seems off." Then every single night Mikey wants me to make sure Kaylee has bathed and that she doesn't spend too much time in the bathroom because that's not safe.

I'm tired of it.

I want to rest.

But I can't.

Sleep means nightmares.  And nightmares mean panic.  And panic means therapy. I really don't want therapy.  I swear I'm fine.
Why don't people watch the silent screamer on their own time.  I'm busy.

I'm busy thinking. 

That's all I'm allowed to do.

Think.

Think.

Thinkity.

Think.

Think.

I think I need to scream again. Please don't tell Josh.