Everyone can struggle (Bondi Rescue FanFic)

Chapter 46

After a terrible night's sleep, I'm woken by Tom, talking quietly next to me. "Lil. I'm sorry I have to wake you but we've got stuff to do.." I open my eyes slowly and he smiles, holding a tray with tea and toast on it. 

"Thanks, how long have you been up?" I ask as I drag myself up. 

"Long enough to know you're not doing well.." he says, "James' coming soon." I nod and we eat breakfast in silence until Tom gets up again. "How are you feeling? Can you move on your own?" he asks. 

"Yeah I'm fine. Getting better." I say, smiling at him as I stand. He watches me carefully, as I take a few tentative steps, before deciding I'm safe enough to be left alone. I get dressed as fast as I can and walk outside, sitting on the grass. Tom follows me out after few minutes and pulls himself onto the ground next to me, "Everything okay?" he asks and I nod. 

"Do you think Jesse's okay with Maxi? What if  he has to work?" I ask him worriedly. 

"You don't need to worry about that Lil, they'll be fine. I'm sure the other guys will keep an eye on Jess if Maxi can't." I nod and lean into him. "Don't worry Lily. We're just gonna think about you today." I can feel panic rising as Tom hugs me tightly. "Relax. I'm here and I love you more than anything. I wish you'd believe me." he says as I pull away so I can see him properly.

"I do believe you. I don't think I've ever told you how much you mean to me. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know people seem to think I'll be upset because I literally arrived and then I was at the beach and you had your accident so I've had to 'look after' you and I've not been alone but really you've been looking after me and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I love you so so much." We lay back, intertwining our hands and watching the clouds. After a few minutes of silence he sits up. "We need to go inside Lily," he says and I notice how pale he looks. I nod and help him into the chair. "Let's go to bed," I say pushing him into the house. He tries to lift himself onto the bed but I refuse and use the lift instead. "What are you actually feeling?" I ask him but he just shakes his head. "Tom.." I say pointedly and he looks up.  

"Dizzy, sick. Don't worry." he says slowly. I begin to panic but I can't call anyone as they're all working or busy so I force myself to focus. I place the back of my hand on his forehead but it seems normal. I take his pulse which is only slightly fast. I'm hoping this is just a general illness and nothing serious.

Suddenly, his body begins to spasm and there's nothing I can do other than watch him. The tears start to stream down my face as his face gains a bluish tinge and I realise he's stopped breathing. After a minute or two, he gasps suddenly and stops jerking but still shakes slightly. "Tom.." I whissper quietly, "You're okay, you just had a seizure but you're fine. Can you open your eyes for me?" I try so hard not to show I've been crying as his eyes slowly drift open and he attempts to speak. "No need. You can sleep now. I'm gonna stay right here till you wake up." I tell him and he sleeps peacefully, allowing me time to cry. I text Chap because I know he won't check it if it's busy. 'Morning, Hope work's ok. Tom had seizure. All is fine now.' I send the message before calling James and telling him not to come. I pick up my sketchbook and draw a simple pencil sketch of Tom asleep.

At lunchtime, my phone rings. "Lily?" Chap says, "You need me to come over? I'm on lunch now if you do."
"Nope." I say smiling at the fact we're finally becoming independent, "He's still asleep and I'm just waiting for him to wake"
"You're doing so well Lil. I can come over just to keep you company though?" 
"Chap, you have a job. We'll be okay. You just have a nice, relaxing lunch break." 
"Wait. How are you holding up? Did you cope okay?" I feel slightly anoyed at his implying that I don't cope well but I do know what he means. 
"Yeah.. I mean, it was definitely scary but there's nothing I could really do. He stops breathing when he has them though so that's terrifying.. He opened his eyes for a while but he's sleeping again now." I realise I'm crying and trail off.
"Just relax Lil. You did everything right. I'm gonna come anyway." 

This is the perfect opportunity! You can leave and there's noone to stop you. Don't let him come and you can leave! 

"No. We don't need you anymore. We're fine." I tell him, almost angrily.
"Okay. Be careful." he says as he hangs up. I quickly text him back before I change my mind 'Sorry. They came back. Not your fault :)' I walk to the bathroom but find the cabinet locked, in the kitchen there aren't even any sharp knives or scissors because we locked them away- the only thing I find is one measly elastic band. I end up back in our room, sat in a corner crying and shaking, pulling the band as far as it'll go and snapping it back but I can't even feel it. "Lily?" I hear a voice shout. I look up and see Chappo in the doorway. He immediately comes and hugs me. "I'm so sorry Lil. What's going on?" 

"There's nothing I can use" I wail, "I hid everything from him and they won't shut up and I don't have anything." He pulls me closer.

"You don't need to do anything. I just need you to stay still." His hand pulls my sleeve up slightly, revealing the angry red marks from the elastic band. "What's this?" He asks, sounding terrified. In answer I pull the band down my arm.

"It's meant to help. It doesn't. It just leaves these for a few days. I can't do it." I cry into him. We both turn as we hear Tom moving. I swipe the tears away angrily and stand on shaking legs, taking his hand carefully. "Hey lovely. How are you feeling?" I ask, surprising myself with how calm I sound. 

"I'm sorry.. You've been crying?" I smile again as Chappo stands behind me. 

"Hey mate," he says, "I just need to talk to Lily okay?" he nods and lets go of me. 

As soon as we get outside, Chap looks at me seriously. "Give me the band Lily." I panic. 

"No. If I can't do it with it, how the hell am I meant to do it without it?" He shakes his head pityingly. 

"Fine.. But you need to be careful. And you need to tell Tom what happened and talk about it. I should be getting back to work and you two need to keep each other safe since neither of you care about your own safety." I nod relunctantly and he follows me back into the room.

"Tom.." I say cautiously, "I had a bit of a cry.. I'm fine now. Don't worry."  Chappo mutters my name from across the room, trying to make me tell him the truth. "Fine." I say pulling up the sleeve, "It's only an elastic band, it doesn't leave scars and it isn't dangerous. Chap's just overreacting." Tom looks to Chappo who nods slowly, before holding his arms out which I willingly bury in to. Chap takes his leave as Tom cradles me. "You're okay. You're safe. Everything's fine." he says as he strokes my hair. As soon as I start  to feel better I pull away and smile. "Sorry. How are you feeling?" I ask him, noticing he's starting to turn pale again. 

"Just tired." he tells me so I help him lay down and we sleep.