The Unchronicled Adventures Of Ahsoka Tano, Book Ten

Chapter Ninety: Duty And Family, Mind And Heart

AHSOKA TANO

Ahsoka turned around very slowly, giving herself time to compose herself and carefully search her daughter's emotions.

In her mind's eye, she saw Aeja standing at the edge of a precipice. At her feet was shock and disbelief, behind her were pride in herself and the innocent intention of surprising Ahsoka with a perfect score on an evaluation, and far, far below her were anger and sadness.

The fall down was the tears that already threatened to overwhelm her.

Ahsoka longed to reach out to her, to soothe her, but Aeja spoke again in a voice that was almost accusing before she could say anything: "You are, aren't you? You're going to leave us again."

"Sweetie, I have to."

Aeja's lower lip trembled. "But you want to stay here. I can feel it."

Ahsoka chuckled tiredly to herself. "You're right, sweetie. You know, sometimes it's like you know me better than I know myself."

"Then why are you going? Because you need to do your duty?"

Ahsoka knew immediately that Aeja was trying to hide behind all the stories she had told her of courage and bravery during the Clone Wars; of noble intentions and a fight to save the galaxy. She understood why her daughter did it; those tales were familiar, and had to bring her a measure of security.

"Duty isn't quite like something out of your bedtime stories, Aeja," Ahsoka said gently, kneeling down before her to take her hands. "It's a lot more complicated than that; a lot darker. Sometimes, what you call duty is not even the right thing at all. It can even be an excuse for doing bad things.

"The truth is, I just want you and your brothers and your Daddy to be safe. Nothing else matters compared to that. That's why I'm going now; because there's something I need to do if I want to make sure the bad people who would try to hurt you if they could can't get to you anymore."

"Momma, I'm scared. Malachor, whatever it is... it feels bad," Aeja said, throwing her arms around Ahsoka's neck. "I don't want you to go."

"I know," Ahsoka said, and held her tightly. "But I'll be back soon."

"You always say that," Aeja said, her full dark lips that were so like Ahsoka's own pulled into a pout. "And then you're gone for months."

"I'm sorry, baby," she said, kissing her daughter's forehead. "I'll do better, I promise." Suddenly, she grinned. "You know what? Starting today, unless it's a really big emergency, I won't ever be gone more than three weeks. And if I'm gone longer, then I'll have to stay home for the same amount of time I was gone."

I should have started prioritizing you, my babies, years ago, Ahsoka thought to herself, hiding a sad look behind a smile. What kind of mother fights to get the best of both worlds when she has a family that needs her?

Aeja nodded, and the threat of jumping off the mental cliff faded away. Ahsoka sighed, feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "I love you so much, Aeja," she murmured. "When I'm gone, remember that I'm gone because I'm doing what's best for you, okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, Momma."

"Now, I think it's time for you to get to bed," Ahsoka said, picking Aeja up in her arms and settling her on her hip as she had done when she was little. "You'll need your rest if you want to keep up with your saber combat classes tomorrow."