Lost And Found

Chapter Twenty Three

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

It was two days before she was to leave for the States and she hadn't heard anything from Sam. The last time she had seen him was at the funeral but they hardly spoke. He hardly even noticed her, he just asked how she was holding up and if she was okay as if a week ago they weren't almost spilling out their feelings. She knew exactly what she was doing, he was getting rid of her, and she knew why but if it was so, she needed to hear him say it.
Deciding she was finally tired of waiting for him to call or text her, she made the move and drove straight to his home.
He answered the door, but there wasn’t that smile, it wasn’t the Sam she knew, it was a whole new person taking over.
"Hey" She said.
"Hey" He replied and stepped aside to let her in.
"How have you been?"
"Not to good but I'm alive…you?" He said.
"I'm well….haven't heard from you, why is that?'
"Just tired of hearing people say stuff you know, I just want to be on my own for sometime"
"I'm leaving for LA in two days, don't you even care?"
"I'm sorry" He said but she didn't detect a 'sorry' in his voice. He knew exactly what he was doing.
"You're pushing me away Sam"
"Sorry if it seems that way?"
"Is it suppose to seem any other way but that?"
"Deni look…."
"No, you look….i stood right here in this same house telling you to let go of what happened to Gracie because it affected people, people who cared about you, you watched how holding on to pain almost destroyed the relationship your parents had with your sister and you're doing exactly the same thing to me because you feel you don't want to fail me the way you think you failed your sister and Nadia, am I right?"
Sam was quiet.
"Talk to me Sam, am I right?"
"Yes"
"Well that is bullshit Sam……what happened to you caring…you not letting me go…..is that how to care, by pushing me away and pretending I do not exist, that is selfish Sam and cowardly to think you can face your problems by trying to avoid them in a way you have absolutely no control over…..you cant avoid death and you can't prevent it……even if you were there for Gracie what makes you think she still wouldn’t have killed herself…would your being there have changed anything?..maybe you should have been there for Nadia so you would have died with her and I would be the one feeling sorry for not being there too instead of having to stand over here and listen to this nonsense….man up Sam and let go, or you would keep losing people, the devil will come at you over and over and over and over again in the same way because he finally figured out your weakness…..and he has a reason to hold on to that and make that his strong hold just because you won't let go……I'm disappointed……this was a test you failed hands down and now I'm scared another person would have to die just to prove you got the lesson this time around…….and maybe that person would be me" In tears, she spun and walked out of the door leaving his speechless. A part of her wished he would come after her but after waiting in her mother's SUV for a few seconds with no sign of Sam, she turned the key, wiped her tears and drove away.