flight log » markson

🌥departure🌥 six

When the night actually came for Jackson's album to be released, he sat anxiously at the edge of his hotel bed, waiting for the clock to hit midnight. His laptop was set up, ready so he could watch his music video the moment it was uploaded. To the side of his internet browser, a skype call was up with Mark. All the other members of GOT7 sat with Mark, waiting with Jackson.

"Jackson, take a deep breath. You look like you're going to explode," Jinyoung instructed. Jackson took a shaky deep breath without saying a word.

"I wish I was there to comfort you," Mark spoke, Jackson not noticing that he was speaking Chinese.

"It would have been so much easier if everyone could have just came to China with me. You all deserve a vacation and then I wouldn't be alone. Is there any way for you guys to teleport here or something?" Jackson rambled in Chinese, everyone but Mark rolling their eyes in response.

"He wants us to be there with him," Mark translated.

"We're there in spirit, Jackson," Yugyeom reassured him, smiling his innocent and angel-like grin.

"It means a lot that you guys are waiting with me." Jackson forced a small smile and looked into the camera.

"There's no way that we wouldn't," Jaebum told him. "We're a team and we're all friends. It's just a given that we would do this."

"Shut up!" Jinyoung suddenly shouted. Jaebum gave him a look that probably could kill, but Jinyoung just hit him and pointed at the computer screen. "It's 11:59!"

"I think I'm going to throw up," Jackson mumbled.

"You weren't this nervous during our debut," BamBam pointed out. Jackson just slowly moved his mouse to the refresh button as he thought of a response.

"That's because if we completely failed, then we would have each other to blame. If I do badly, it's nobody else's fault but my own." That wasn't entirely true, but Jackson figured that a joke might lighten the mood.

"You'll be fine," Mark insisted.

That's when the clock hit midnight. Jackson began spamming the refresh icon until his video came up, not quite ready to watch it. His heart seemed to stop beating when he saw the thumbnail. He played the video at almost the same time as the other GOT7 members, the song sounding through the earbuds from both Jackson's computer and the other side of the call.

He wasn't even really watching it. He could vaguely hear his friends complimenting him and telling him how good it turned out, but it was like he was in another world. Part of him didn't care how the video looked—he just wanted to know what everyone else thought of it.

Comments were already pouring in, and Jackson was the only one out of his friends that could read it all. Even though Mark's Chinese wasn't that bad, he couldn't read it very well and the other GOT7 members just couldn't read Chinese at all. He was glad they couldn't see what was being said; however, he knew the news would spread eventually.

Jackson never fails to amaze me!!

How can a human be so perfect?

Sick song

But then the comments take a quick turn.

This song isn't even good though???

Shame it wasn't literally any other member.

Ha. He gets uglier with every song released.

Need to bleach my everything to clean myself from this filth.

"Jackson, are you okay?" Mark asked. The call was dead silent after the music video ended.

"I'm fine." Jackson's voice cracked as he wiped tears he didn't know he cried and composed himself enough to smile.

"You're crying," BamBam stated.

"I'm just... I'm happy," Jackson lied. Everyone just have him skeptical looks, not believing him at all.

Mark frowned, concern flooding his features. "Jackson-"

"I have to go. I'll call you guys later." Jackson quickly hung up and shut his computer.

Jackson didn't know what he was expecting. It was only natural that there were hate comments; still, there was an unsettling feeling in Jackson's gut. He put as much effort into that album as was physically possible, but he still felt like he hadn't done enough when everything was done.

To say he was disappointed in himself was an understatement. He was never satisfied with his work because he strived for perfection, so he was borderline devastated over the reaction he was getting. Jackson couldn't recall a time where he had ever felt worse about himself.

His body was aching for someone to hold him—for Mark to hold him. He needed some kind of physical contact to remind him that he wasn't alone, but he knew he wasn't going to get anything being so far away from everyone. Being in the hotel room didn't help either, since he felt so homesick and isolated.

With hesitance, Jackson checked his social media accounts to see what was being said about his album. He immediately regretted even turning on his phone when he saw all the critical and harsh comments he was receiving that only proved how poorly he did. From what he saw, some people thought his songs were lame and simply made, and everyone else just thought that Jackson himself was obnoxious. He even saw some people say that he wasn't talented enough to be part of GOT7.

Seeing those comments from someone else was a big blow to Jackson's confidence. Though he frequently thought things like that, no one had ever said it to him—not that he had seen, anyway. He suddenly felt even more scared to do his album promotions than he was before now that he had received some feedback.

It felt like Jackson was going to throw up, even when he didn't have anything in his stomach. Because his staff wanted him to look good for the promotions, they had been scolding him every time he even so much as looked at food. He was running off of solely water, tea, and some fruit, so he wasn't looking forward to throwing up his stomach fluids. But it happened anyway.

As he sat on the floor of the hotel bathroom, his face covered in tears and bile, he desperately wished to never have to be seen in public again. Unfortunately, he knew disappearing would only make things worse and give home more alone time to criticise his existence. All he could do was hope that things would be alright.

All he could do was hope that Mark would stay by his side if things fell astray.