flight log » markson

🌤arrival🌤 thirteen

Their manager was surprisingly understanding of the situation. Jackson had to admit that it was embarrassing having to tell someone who wasn't a close friend about his problems, but he ignored it because he knew he couldn't get around telling him. Their manager told him that he'd talk to JYPE about everything and just told Mark and Jackson to go rest.

Their friends were a little more uncomfortable, but nonetheless understanding. Jaebum seemed to really beat himself up for not taking more action, which Jackson felt bad about. He didn't want anyone to blame themselves for his own problems, especially when he knew how bad Jaebum could be to himself.

After explaining himself to everyone, Jackson could already feel better. Of course he was aware of how taxing his thoughts were on both his mental and physical state; he just never realised how much simply talking would help. Ever since he came to Korea, he believed that dealing with his problems alone would be the easiest way out. Now, however, he knew how untrue that was.

His group members were babying him more than ever. If he thought that Mark was treating him too gently, then he didn't know what to think of his friends. He had to admit that it was kind of nice knowing everyone was watching out for him, no matter how annoying it was at times. It was also embarrassing how people he felt he should be taking care of—specifically BamBam and Yugyeom—were the ones taking care of him. He knew how mature and responsible the two were for his age, but Jackson would never stop seeing them as his two younger brothers.

Since his manager insisted he take at least two weeks off, he suddenly had a very clear schedule. No one wanted him to stay home alone—they wouldn't even let him fall asleep without Mark laying next to him—so he was dragged around everyone like some sort of pet. It was kind of annoying since he wasn't getting much time to relax if he was sitting in a practice room the whole time, but he understood their intentions. He was just frustrated that he could easily practice with them and they didn't let him.

While he was grateful for how kindly he was being treated, he was really afraid that he'd fall behind. Everyone else was preparing for their comeback and he was just sitting on the side watching. Every time he would try to convince them to let him dance a little, they would shoot him down or maybe suggest getting some fresh air. They weren't going to let him do anything work related for a while.

Jackson supposed that he couldn't be ungrateful for what he was given, especially when the media hadn't found out yet. GOT7's image could easily be ruined by Jackson's actions, which was why he never said anything against what his friends and staff did. Even if he didn't really want to get better, he knew he had to for Mark and for the rest of GOT7. He wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing he ruined other people's lives so badly.

On a particularly good day, everything came crashing. Jackson had been in a relatively good mood until the sun had set; it was almost as if a switch had been turned on. After telling everyone—which was only a week ago—he had only had one episode, so he didn't know what had happened. When he got into bed, his mind went crazy. His thoughts wouldn't stop and he knew he'd have a panic attack if he couldn't calm down.

"Mark? Are you here?" Jackson whispered into the dark. He knew Mark wasn't there. Mark was still out doing some photoshoot.

He didn't want to have a panic attack. He knew he might end up doing something he would regret if he did. But Mark was the only one that could calm him down. His last episode had happened during their dance practise, and no one had been able to help but Mark. Mark was the only one that noticed something was wrong, since Jackson tried so hard to keep quiet. Even after Mark made everyone stop, only Mark could get him to slow his breathing and stop crying.

Letting himself think that was a mistake. Realising how needy and dependent he was made his thoughts finally crumble. Everything caved in and it was too late. He tried desperately to stop his tears and get back into his good mood, but he just couldn't.