flight log » markson

⛈turbulence⛈ ten

The next day, Jackson woke up and Mark was gone. The bed was cold and he could hear talking outside his room, both things making Jackson feel uneasy. He just had a feeling that something bad was about to happen, and he really didn't want to keep piling more problems onto his already unstable mental state.

When he walked into the living room, he was met with six blank stares and sudden silence. That's when Jackson knew that they were talking about him. There was no other reason they would act so surprised when he entered.

"Jackson," Mark started, walking towards him, "come sit with us."

"What's happening?" Jackson let Mark guide him to the couch where Mark gently shoved him tone sitting.

"Why didn't you tell us you felt that way, Jackson?" Jinyoung asked, setting a hand on Jackson's shoulder.

"You told them, Mark?" Jackson sat frozen for a second, unable to focus on one person in the room. It felt like all of them were judging him.

"After what happened yesterday, I couldn't keep it to myself. It'll be easier with everyone's help, I promise." Mark didn't know what he was expecting, but he definitely was taken aback when Jackson suddenly stood up.

"You told them?" Jackson repeated.

"They deserve to know-"

"But it wasn't for you to tell!" Jackson's voice was void of anger and instead was full of hurt. "These are my problems, Mark, not yours."

"Were you planning on keeping this from us?" Jaebum stood up, too, mistaking Jackson's actions as aggressive.

"I was going to tell eventually, but when I was ready. You could have at least told me you were going to tell them." Tears began welling in Jackson's eyes, both in hurt that Mark told and frustration that Jackson couldn't get mad at him.

"Jackson, I'm sorry, but this is serious. If you thought about suicide, then I can't just go around acting like it didn't happen. Please understand that I only told because I care." Mark reached over to grab Jackson's hand, but Jackson shoved Mark off.

"It wasn't even an actual attempt," Jackson croaked out. "I didn't even jump. I didn't realise I even wanted to."

"That's what's worrying," Yugyeom added softly. As Jackson let out a shaky breath, Yugyeom walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Jackson. Jackson couldn't find it in himself to push Yugyeom away in fear of hurting him.

"I swear, it's not that bad. Why'd you tell them, Mark?" Jackson let out a small sob into Yugyeom's shoulder, nearly collapsing into Yugyeom's hold.

"I love you so much. I need to do everything I can to help," Mark whispered. He gently brushed away the hair that had fallen into Jackson's face while sending Yugyeom a thankful glance.

"They'll think I'm pathetic. They're going to hate me now." Jackson felt himself try to hide in Yugyeom's arms, shrinking away from everyone else and into his chest.

"No one hates you," Mark promised.

"Yeah. We would never hate you for something like this. We want to help," BamBam agreed.

"Can I have some time to myself? This is kind of a big deal to me," Jackson mumbled. Yugyeom sighed and let him go, causing Jackson to stumble and nearly fall.

"I'll take you back to your room." Mark pulled Jackson up and led him back to bed, where Jackson flopped into the sheets. "I'll tell the manager that you needed a day off. I'm sure he'd understand."

"I can't miss practice. Just drag me out of bed when you guys are going to leave." Jackson blankly stared at the wall, too embarrassed to look Mark in the eye.

"A day off wouldn't kill you. You only got back a couple days ago, anyway. You should rest." Mark grabbed Jackson by the chin when he noticed how uneasy the latter was. "Why can't you look at me?"

"I'm sure you've thought I was crazy since yesterday. I should have been more careful."

"You didn't think like this yesterday. What happened?" Mark sat down next to Jackson and pushed Jackson's head onto his shoulder. Jackson sat nearly motionless.

"Are you sure that they aren't judging me? Or talking bad about me?" Jackson gave Mark a desperate look and waited for a response that never came. "It's just that it's different from only you knowing. I know that you mean what you say to me. I'm less sure about them."

"You've known all of them for years," Mark began. "They care about you just as much as I do, and they want you to be happy."

"I just wasn't ready to tell them. I wanted to at least be mentally prepared or maybe in a better state." A small sigh slipped through Jackson's lips, the scared and nervous feeling not leaving his gut.

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's over and done with, though, and I can't undo it." Mark pressed a small kiss to the top of Jackson's head. "I'll leave give you some time alone now."

"No, wait!" Jackson stared at the ground, heat rising to his face from his sudden outburst. "Could you just stay with me until you have to leave?"

"Of course." Mark moved his hands to Jackson's waist, settling into a comfortable position.

"I like having you by my side," Jackson admitted. He blushed, embarrassed at how content he felt with Mark.

"Don't worry. I'll always be by your side."