During the beginning of the year, around February or so, there was one evening I was holding in a lot of anxiety and anger because I couldn't stop thinking about sex (not in a good way, though." I think the trigger for my anxiety was either a sex scene on tv or someone mentioning it on Wattpad or whatever, I can't really remember. But, it struck a chord in me.
I remember staying up late, talking to a friend on Wattpad about it. It was way past my bedtime. I can't really remember much about the conversation we had, though.
I got so angry because I felt like I was having a horrible internal battle with myself and my mind was filling up with all of these horrible thoughts of sex and intimacy.
I...I forced myself not to go to bed and I forced myself to stay awake on the couch, but my father told me to go to bed. I didn't want to, but I had no other choice.
I know this is going to sound totally crazy, but I was so upset that I forced myself to sleep on my bedroom floor instead of sleeping in my bed because I thought I didn't deserve any comfort. I slept on my bedroom floor with a blanket and bawled my eyes out until I couldn't cry anymore.
Believe it or not, it actually happened. It was absolutely horrible. That's how much sex bothers me.
You may say that I was overreacting, but to tell you the truth, I have G.A.D (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I've been through two car accidents, one where I was in the car with my family (me, my dad and my sister), and there was one where I got hit by a car while trying to cross the street. It was a miracle I survived. I have so many triggers, and sex is one of them.
I'd just thought I'd share this with you.
