The Closet

Chapter Two - Meeting the Dick

Bryce's POV

"Goddamnit." That voice whispered. "No one told me coming off alcohol would be so tiring. Or unrewarding. Like man, it's really boring in here. There's not much I can do with a golf club and some paper."

"Who's the bloke in the closet?" I sneered at the others in the room, I acted as if it was joke. I legitimately thought I was so drunk I was imagining stuff.

"Who's the asshole outside?" That voice snapped back and I jolted back thinking it was just my imagination. I guess not any more, I leaned closer to the door to make sure I wasn't insane. I decided to come up with a very, nice, kind and gentle response...

"A major asshole who wants to know who the fuck are you?" I am a genius.

"You're just really high, man. Cause' I'm just a unicorn in the closet." The voice replied back. "You've had a little too much today." Damn, this unicorn is Albert UnicornStein! He could tell how drunk I was.

"Must be a retarded unicorn to get stuck in a fuckin' closet?" At this point my main intention was just to piss the fucker off. I didn't like this person now, but who in their right mind would get stuck in the closet? Like what the actual fuck?

"I'm actually magically challenged that doesn't mean I'm retarded. You sound like an autosexual." The voice replied, I decided to not insult them this time around...

"Vroom, vroom!" I instead went back to sarcastic.

"You fool! Autosexuality means you love yourself more than anyone else." The unicorn corrected, sounded more drunk than I was. I picked up an unfinished beer and I downed it.

"I shoulda told Aaron to bring me back a unicorn-dog."

"Goddamnit they always use Pegasus meat in those. It's a lie." He cleared his throat. "Aaron? You mean Steve?" What... The.... Fuck? Is she mental or just delusional?

"Steve? Are you playing Minecraft?"

"I'm a unicorn how the hell would I--nah, Aaron? Are Aaron and Steve brothers?" The unicorn pondered. "Wait I'm not a unicorn I'm a person. How drunk am I again?" I inhaled, this bitch!

"The fuck am I supposed to know? Who the fuck are you and what's you fuckin' name, for fucksake you fucking wanker fuck?"

"Watch yo profanity." The unicorn-boy whatever the fuck imitated the YouTube meme.

"Oh, mysterious unicorn from the closet, may I please have the honor of knowing... Your fucking name?!" I lost all of my patience in my drunken state of mind, full of delirious thoughts.

"I dunno ya ass, give me a size and your name and I might consider telling you mine." The unicorn retorted. I saw a golden opportunity for a perfect line...

"My name is Big Smoke and I'll have two number nines, a number nine large, number six, extra dip, a number seven, two number forty fives, one with CHEESE and a large soda." Using outdated memes since before I was born, fuck ya!

"That'll be sixty seven dollars and shove them up my unicorn butthole when you reply with overused memes." The unicorn snapped. "Sorry I'm a human. Unicorns aren't real, and neither is Santa. I'm a twenty year old man."

"List 'en here, I don't give a bloody fuck what you think! Stick it up your fucking dickhole!"

The unicorn sighed. "I would. But I'm straight."

"Then why not come 'straight' out the door?"

"I've tried. But I can't." The closet-door unicorn sighed. "Why don't you tell me your name, you ass?"

"Call me major."

"Major?"

"Major asshole."

"Fine then." The voice sighed. "I'll tell you my name, I'm Basil. Nice to meet you Major."

"Bryce is the name and flirting is the game." As if I wasn't a cocky, overconfident douche pickle enough, I relish in the fact I am an ass.

"Oh? Glad to finally know your real name then." Basil sighed, it was hard to tell his expression, but he sounded exhausted.

"Dildo, I mean dido!" Why the fuck did I say that?

"Uh-huh." I pictured Basil rolled his eyes. "Listen, as someone still coming off of alcohol. I'm glad I met someone who is about as drunk as I am. Even if I have no idea what you look like."

"I look like a dashing, handsome man with brown flowing hair and royal blue eyes!"

"Okay, so ugly, got it." A sigh was heard from Bryce, he had no intention of hiding and attempted to sigh as loud as possible.

"And what do you look like?"

"Drunk." Basil replied.

"Delightful, respectful, ugly, neglectful or kinky?"

If Bryce could see Basil, he would have witnessed him roll his eyes, or crying. But Basil was the type of person who just didn't give a damn and responded with, "Probably a little of all of those."

"Let us hope it is kinky." I said it not-so under my breath.