Confessions Between Us [STEREK] - (on hold)

Chapter 11- Help (cont from prev)

Song-  Japanese Denim, Love of My Life, The Chain

Artist- Daniel Caesar, Queen, Fleetwood Mac

Stiles

(morning after the last chapter)

'Stiles?' The voice of my father is what wakes me up, not Derek's voice my heart falls further than I thought possible. I look up from the pillow, dad looks at me in confusion 'Um I'm heading off to work now, I won't be back till late keep me updated on where you are okay?' He says still looking at me oddly. I give him a small smile 'sure dad' my voice sounds croaky, 'you getting sick or something kid?' He asks looking more worried by the second, 'calm down super dad I just need a drink or something just woke up remember' I say smiling at him. He goes to say something but I hold up my hand, 'Dad you are going to be late I'm fine seriously I'll talk to you later' he nods and gives me his go-to wave then exits my room. 

My head falls against the pillow as I look at the ceiling, I still can't believe the absolute stupidity of my actions last night. Who am I kidding that I could be someone that Derek Hale, let alone anyone could all in love with? Why couldn't I have just stayed silent, I found myself in a moment so perfect and I just had to ruin it. I reach across to my bedside table and grab my phone, looking at the messages all from Scott none from Derek. Scott of course asking if I wanted to play some game with him which I ignore. I instead grab a hoodie and my grey tracksuit pants and make my way out of the house to grab a coffee or something to get my mind off of the disaster that was last night. 

Time goes by and before I know it I am at the small cafe that I'm sure no teenagers will be at. I take a seat after ordering the coffee and food and put my headphones on, hoping that my music will distract me from the humiliation that is gnawing away at me. I rest my head against my arms on the bench and try to escape into the music, I feel a tap on my shoulder after a while and raise my head not making eye contact presuming its the food. I look up and see Derek looking at me as if I were a Rubik's cube that he just couldn't solve. I sigh and take out my headphones, he motions to the bench across from me 'may I?' he asks and I shrug in response. He sits and for a while awkwardly looks around the room not saying anything, 'any particular reason you came here, Derek?' I ask. 

He snaps his head as if shocked someone used his name, 'I uh was checking to see if you are okay' I say nothing and look away. The nerve he has to ask me that 'Stiles I didn't mean to hurt your feelings' He says softly, I look up stunned 'Hurt my feelings? Derek, you took my virginity and then act all surprised when I tell you that I love you' I whisper harshly at him. He glances around nervously 'Stiles could you please just keep your voice down a bit' he says. I can't help the laugh the escapes when he says that 'Who do you know here Derek? That going to judge you?' he glares up at me 'I don't know Stiles but I wouldn't appreciate being known to these strangers as the guy who..' He trails off unable to finish the sentence. I raise my eyebrows 'The guy who what Derek? Fucked another dude?' I finish for him, he winces like literally winces in front of me. 

'Jesus Derek does thinking back to last night really make you that sick?' I ask, 'No Stiles you know it doesn't' He responds back his voice sharp, 'Well I'm sorry but how am I supposed to take you reacting as if I just stabbed you with a hot iron as being a good reaction?' I ask hotly my temper boiling then broken by the waitress placing the coffee in front of me with a polite smile I notice her look strangely at Derek who's face was flushed and eyes burning into the window. When she was out of earshot I continue 'Seriously Derek why did you come here? I get it like you tried last night and it wasn't what you thought it would be. You didn't have to come and humiliate me further' I say staring intently at my dark coffee. 

'Stiles, I enjoyed last night I'm not saying I didn't, I just think its a little early to say that to each other' He says and I can't help but shake my head, 'Well obviously I was mistaken with the whole sex thing not taking us to that step' I respond dryly looking away from him the humiliation I feel  much too big. Derek sighs, 'You're not being fair to me right now Stiles, you know I don't do well with words' I can't believe he's making himself the victim right now. 'Do you care about me Derek?' I ask looking at my coffee cup, 'Of course I do Stiles' He says softly. 'You would protect me if someone tried to hurt me?' I ask still looking down, 'Of course I would Stiles you know that'  He responds. I look up 'I dont get how you cant say that you are in love with me then' He sighs 'I do in some places Stiles' ouch. 'What?' I respond my voice cracking, 'I can say that to you when its just maybe you' He says fumbling his hands about in front of me.

'You're embarassed by me?' I ask my voice breaking like a two year old, 'Stiles no, Its just thats not who I am, you understand me right? we can still do all the same stuff at my place you know' He says quietly, I look down at my hands his words washing me over. Is that truly someone I can be, even lower than a mistress, simply someone he can have when and where he wants.  I've worked so hard to become happy with the person I am, feeling more myself then ever, I wouldn't say I'm ready to give that up. But I look into his eyes, my feelings consuming, I was totally under his control and I hated it. My eyes burned as I watched him stay emotionless, hands crossed in front of himself. 

'You want me to be your secret?' I ask my throat burning in embarrassment, surprised the words managed to actually leave my body. 'You're being dramatic, I'm just saying that I don't think everyone has to know what we do behind closed doors' he responds quickly, 'dramatic?!' I spit out moving to sit up, he grips my arm tightly and pulls me back down. 'Stop touching me Derek!' I plead, 'Stiles you're being ridiculous, nothing has to change from how it was before' Derek says as if this was a simple math equation, and I was too stupid to understand. 'You're going to make me hate myself' I whisper looking down at the table, a single tear falls down my face, Derek was already standing. 'I'll text you next time I want to see you' He says as he drops money onto the table leaving the cafe, leaving me alone crying. 

Leaving me wishing that I had the strength to stand up for myself, but when it comes down to it a little love is better than none. 

A/N- this story is not unfinished, me and my wannabe writing ass will continue to write:) Hope everyone is doing well x