Letters to Wyatt✔️

29

March 4, 2016.

Dear Wyatt,

I had a good day today. Like a legitimate good day. That hasn't happened in forever.

Somehow I got roped into upping the pace from walking to slowly jogging the track with Matt starting around a week ago, so I started the morning off jogging a mile or so.

I know what you're thinking: I hate running. But Matt has to work his way back up to running on his bum knee if he ever wants to play football again, and I may not know him well, but I know him well enough to that it's important to him. I also know him well enough to know that he hates being alone, so I'm doing him a favor when I run with him, at least until he passes me up and I can't keep up anymore, bum knee or not.

But, I mean, I agreed to run with him for selfish reasons, too. Because if I had refused to run with him, then he would be running and I would still be walking. By myself. And he's not the only one that hates being alone. It's when I'm by myself that the sting and sadness of missing you settles in. Feeling that without any pauses is too much for me to handle. I need the break my mornings with Matt provide more than anything, Wyatt.

After that I went to a few classes. When I got back to my dorm I ran into Demeter and asked her on an impulse if she wanted to go grab dinner together. She agreed.

And get this: I laughed. I actually laughed with her. And I'm not just talked about a polite chuckle; I'm talking about loud, wheezing, stomachache-inducing laughter. It's been so long since that happened that I almost forgot what that felt like.

I didn't think about you once all day until I pulled my pajamas on with a smile and slipped into bed only to look straight into a picture of you and I on my bed stand.

The ache was still there, but it was... less. Noticeably. I think I'm crazy.

How did it go from hurting so much I could barely hold it in one day and then the next suddenly I completely forgot about you for hours on end?

What kind of girlfriend am I? I feel like I'm cheating on you by having a day of happiness without you.

I feel guilty. You deserved more than a girlfriend who would forget about you. You still deserve more.

I'm sorry. So so sorry.

Savannah

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