WHO SAID I SAID

MY ANXIETY

do you ever just feel like your chest is getting tight and there's a tsunami going on inside your chest. and the leaking tears is the salty water that over flooded.

my chest feels like it's been cut open and everything has been ripped out. so now it's empty but it still feels like there's more to destroy.

my breathing is uneven and my bones are shaking so much, you can hear it.

and my throat burns as if it's being tugged down but that's probably the lump of vodka-like tears i'm trying to swallow.

my brain feels like it's doing more breathing than my lungs and it hurts. it hurts. it hurts so bad. everything hurts.

my lips are chapped and chewed but they still bleed and quiver softly. i don't know what that means, i'm not even crying.

the sad part is that i'm used to this. i'm immune to this kind of shit. yes - it really has been going on that long. and for some reason, i feel sorry.

i'm sorry to my body that i can't take care of it enough. i'm sorry to my heart for building so many walls just so i can just tear them down. i'm sorry to my brains for never listening to it even though i know i should. i'm sorry to my eyes for crying so much that they swell. i'm just sorry.