WHO SAID I SAID

MY ANXIETY PT. II

i can't take it anymore. i'm shaking. my right side is shaking. my left side is lifeless. i feel bubbles floating to the top of my head. they pop. my body is warm, so warm. my eyes, they dart everywhere. they're searching for danger, seeing if anybody is seeing me. i don't want to be seen. i don't want anyone to come close to me. don't want them to open up my chest. don't want them touching me. i don't want to be touched.

i hate the smell of burning cigarettes. i hate smoke. i hate that it could damage my lungs. i don't want a smoke.

mary jane is alright. she's got red hair and freckles. her favorite color is green, just like her eyes. oh wait, that's poison ivy. poison ivy doesn't have freckles, neither does mary jane. they're from different comics. either way, they both float inside of me. i don't like that. i don't want them.

i'm calming down, slowly. my head feels heavier & my eyes are starting to drop. water is leaking from inside me. how weird, i didn't feel that. i'm not high if you're asking, i just said i don't smoke. i pop pills sometimes and i drink. sangrias are great.

but this isn't about that, this is about how my own mind fools me. i'm not physically sick, but i feel something coming up my throat - it's not real though. i'm lightheaded, even though i drank some water and ate some food. i'm being fooled. this sickness isn't real.