Soulmate

7. Fake It Til You Make It

Bellamy

He and Clarke had been back at Camp for over a week now and he had hardly seen her once.

He desperately wanted to see her, had saught her out several times to no avail. From some people, he'd heard she was sick but from Octavia he heard she was helping in the drop ship medic bay non stop, he supposed it could be both, knowing Clarke.

Knowing Clarke.

That was strange, because he felt like he did know her. He at least knew her better than before the storm. She was a beautiful, strong girl who worked her ass off for this group of delinquents. He worked hard too, they all did their bit, but she was an exception.

And he wanted to see her, to hear her voice again. Yes, he wanted to discuss matters about the camp and rationing for the winter, but he also wanted to talk about the week they spent together in the bunker, about that night he couldn't remember. He had the feeling she was avoiding him, and he also felt like it had something to do with the last night in the bunker.

If he could just remember! But he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried.

Had he really been that drunk? No, he didnt think he had been...maybe he had.

It was driving him crazy, so that night, he waited outside the dropship after everyone else at the camp had gone to sleep.

He waited and waited until Clarke pulled back the curtain and began making her way down the ramp.

Bellamy stood up and she jumped, startled. "Sorry, I...I didn't mean to scare you...shit!" Bellamy cursed, a new and unwanted nervous energy coursing through him.

"God! Bellamy! What the hell are you doing?" She looked him up and down, "how long have you been sat out here? It's freezing!" She said in disbelief and Bellamy found himself laughing.

He hadn't expected this. How good it would feel to just see her again, even if she was scolding him.

Her cheeks pinked, "What is so funny? Come inside you idiot!" She grumbled, walking back into the dropship.

Bellamy pulled himself together and followed her inside.

"So?" Clarke said, folding her arms, again her eyes looking everywhere but at Bellamy.

"So, we...well umm..." pull yourself together Blake! "We've both been pretty busy since coming back, and well I just thought we should talk." He said and something flashed accross Clarke's features, hardening them.

"What about?" She asked, her voice breaking slightly.

"Well I can't help but feel like you have been...avoiding me." Bellamy said slowly and Clarke looked away from him.

"I have been busy. You said so yourself." She said, her tone so surprisingly cold that he didn't know what to say for a moment.

"Well I thought that after-"

"After what? After we talked about our feelings and spent some time together we could be friends?" Clarke spat, her eyes burning and Bellamy actually flinched.

"Clarke. Something happened, didn't it? That last night in the bunker." Bellamy pushed, moving closer to her. He could practically see the wall she had built around herself. To protect herself. From him. "Clarke please..." he was begging now and when he went to reach for her, she jumped away as though frightened of his touch. "Clarke please tell me what happened!"

"You don't remember?" She asked, staring at her feet, her voice so small and tentavive. She looked so unsure, so unlike herself, and if he had been the cause of it, Bellamy felt he would do anything in his power to make it right.

"No! Nothing!" He exclaimed.

"Well, good because that's exactly what happened. Nothing! You were your same old arogant self. You told me you didn't believe my stories, said the privalleged were so used to spilling lies. I slapped you and we went to sleep. That was that Bellamy Blake. So now, if you will excuse me, I have to go."

Bellamy was still as she pushed past him and practically ran from the dropship.

His heart was racing. He couldn't believe he had said that, things between them had been so good he even....

Bellamy swore and punched the closest thing to him. A metal table. It hurt like hell and he sank to the floor. No wonder she didn't want to see him. Nice going Blake.

Clarke

The second she was inside her tent, the tears began to fall.

She hadn't wanted to lie or to make him believe she hated him, because she didn't. She hated herself because she was afraid of falling further than she already had. She refused to just be one of the girls he can add to his list of one night stands. She hated herself for getting that close so recklessly quickly!

She told herself it had been the alcohol.

She told herself lying was for the best, that they could ignore the past 2 weeks and go back to disliking oneanother.

But the look on his face. He had wanted to talk to her, to make things right. She liked him, and it was possible he liked her and that scared her more than it should have.

Clarke ran out of her tent to throw up.

It was too much. She looked up at the dropship and thought about running back in there and telling him the truth but what would he think of her? Would he see himself as a rebound for Finn? Would he even care? Would he think her a slut?

She didn't know why any of it mattered. He had been drunk. He didn't remember. It had meant nothing to him and the most devastating thing of all, was that it had meant something to her.

She had no idea what to do.