The Unfolding ✔

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

(Justin's Pov)

The continuous feeling of dread and remorse had been following me around for the past two days. It just wouldn't wash away, no matter how badly I wanted it to. And it was simply because I realized the truth. Or rather, reality had given me cold, harsh, slap across my face.

I heard it all from a ten-year old and the brunette living under my roof. Since that day, guilt had grown heavy on my shoulders. I felt terrible; almost like a horrible monster of some sort. And I hated it. I hated that everyone viewed me as that.

Especially my own children.

But who was to blame? That's right - myself. I just wished things could have been different between us. Oh how I badly wished to embrace them with my love, and care for them...like I used to. However, things were different. I just couldn't find myself to be the same father I once was. The same man.

Feeling a hand being placed on my shoulder snapped me out of my thoughts. I jumped, startled, from the sudden contact. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kelly's warm, grey eyes sadly watching me. Though, I could see a trace of sympathy entwined with the dull emotion.

"Son," She softly called me by the name she always had done. I let an open sigh fall from my lips, suddenly feeling emotion churn in my throat. I didn't know what it was, but it was growing and pushing itself around my body.

"What do I do, Kelly?" I helplessly questioned, glancing down at my hands. They were resting on the kitchen counter, placed in-front of the chair I was sitting on.

"Well, tell me what you mean by that." She said, removing her hand and wondering off to stand behind the counter. I silently thought to myself, watching as she pulled out a glass from the high cabinet and poured cold water inside of it.

"You know what I mean, Kelly..." I lowly mumbled. "I'm fucked up. Nothing more than a fuck-up."

I glared at my hands, suddenly feeling angered at myself. This was all my fault. Maybe if I hadn't taken it all so badly and acted out like a pussy - I wouldn't be guilty or angry with myself.

"Language, Son," She reminded. "And you're not what you just said you are."

"But I am," I argued. "Who else neglects their children like I have? Who else suddenly forgets about any good in world and simply focuses on the bad? Who else constantly thinks about what ifs? Who else fucking kills themselves because their deceiving wife left them? Who else, Kelly?"

Emotion clogged at my throat. I felt inevitable tears prick at my eyes, but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I needed to let this all out. Especially to someone who I knew I could trust and would advise me without judging me.

"I'm fucked up, Kelly. So, damn...fucked up." I whispered, harshly glaring down at my hands. I could feel Kelly's lingering eyes on me, watching me as she thought to herself. I bet she was trying to come up with some words to cheer me up, and make me not look like a complete ass - but that was hard to do.

It'd be lying.

"Justin Drake, look at me." She gently demanded, but their was a firmness in her voice. I shook my head, suddenly overcome with shame.

What kind of pussy cries their emotions and thoughts out?

"Son," She pressed. I clenched my jaw, hesitantly lifting my head up to look at her. Her eyes were narrowed, clear sympathy showing on her face. And then I questioned myself.

Did everyone close to me view me as a pity case?

"I don't know what on earth is going on in your head right now, and I'm sure I don't want to know," She paused. "But those words that you just uttered, those questions you just asked me - you know the answer."