In my head that double date couldn't have gone any worse but I wasn't going to admit it to Sam. Giving her the pleasure of a win over my situation. It's been a week since then. Sam goes out to party every night and I haven't heard from Dom all that much. It's a refreshing break from the both of them.
"I'm out, baby! Going to a party. Then going to stay with a friend, okay?" Sam says. I'm sitting on the couch.
"Okay. Did you tell Alex?" I inquire not taking my eyes from RuPaul's Drag Race that's on. It's a re-run but I still love it.
"I'll text him, boo boo. Bye" she waves bye to me walking backwards out the door, causing me to laugh.
"Becare....... ful" I say as she runs into the doorframe with her ass. "Told ya." I laugh.
She shuts the door and locks it for me. I turn towards the tv to watch my show. During the show my shouting consisted of 'YASS hunty!' And 'work it baby.'
I get up and go to the bathroom for the first time in like 2 hours. Felt like forever. Sitting back on the couch again, listening to music, I start to think about the double date.
What was it like for Alex? What was it like for Dom? Or even Sam. You know what I don't give a shit what it was like for any of them. Dom was my date but before that he didn't hint that I was avoiding the talk about another date? Sam put me in a situation where I again hurt both of them. Fucking bitch. Alex didn't act like he had feelings for me. Why did he keep looking at me though? Why couldn't he keep his eyes on his date? I sigh at all of my thoughts. I feel like I'm being a baby. Everyone has this problem sometimes. It's just hard. Maybe I'm going to start soon.
"I need a break!" I say looking up at the ceiling hoping someone can hear me. I'm not much of the religious type but I know there's someone or something out there listening to me. "I need to focus on me for a while." I look down at my ringing phone and hit decline on the call.
Sitting on the couch isn't the most comfortable, so I get up to go to my room leaving the music on and my door open. I lay on my bed, check the time '10:45' maybe I should sleep?
I wrestle around with my throw pillow on the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot for it. It took a few minutes but I got it to a position where I'm on my side, pillow between my legs, head on another pillow, facing the wall. Laying there I decide to read some of the hate mail I've been getting.
"What are these rumours? Where did they come from? I've never hurt any of these people. I barely know any of them." I sigh. I've never hurt anyone besides the people I care most about. The person I can't love because it'd be wrong to.
Knock knock knock.
"Ugh." I get up to get it, walk to the door and open it. "Did you forget your--" I stop and look at Alex standing in front of me.
"Hey." He says.
"Oh uh. Yeah. Hi. Uhm. Come in please." I move out of the way letting him in, losing the door behind him. "You look dressed for something. You and Sam heading out?" I inquire, forgetting Sam's not here.
"We were supposed to be but it looks like she's not here." He responds, fixing his gaze from me to the hall where our bedrooms are.
"Oh. Shit. Right. She said she was going to a party and she'd text you on her way out. I guess she didn't or you wouldn't be here." I look down. Why would I even think he'd be here to talk to me? Stupid! Stupid. Stupid.
"Oh." Alex nods. "She's just been blowing me off all week." He mentions. He sounds sad. I wish I could comfort him. I just..... I don't know how.
"Would you like a drink? Or to talk about it?" I say trying to ease the tension.
Alex nods, "yeah."
"Uhm. Which one?" I ask, confused and amused.
"Talk." He responds.
"This way." I guide him to the couch, and turn around to see if he went to sit down. He did, so I sit down and look at him.
After an hour or so we're still talking. Not just about what's going on with he and Sam, about everything. And not everything like relationships and what not. Just everything in general. We got a couple drinks ordered in pizzas. It was like old times. We'll sort of...
It's so nice talking to him. I love seeing him smile. But I know it won't last long.... he has to leave at some point tonight. I watch him for a minute as he takes a drink from the Pepsi bottle.
"I should probably go soon." He says looking at the time, as he gets up. I stand up after him and he hugs me. "Thank you." He says softly, not letting go of my frail body.
Not that I'm complaining. If it were up to me we'd be hugging for days. I miss him. His musky smell, the feel of his arms around me. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect.
"Hey, isn't this your favourite song?" Alex mumbles in my ear. I tune into the radio. Green Day's Brutal Love is playing. He remembers.
"Mhm." Is all I can say, without cracking a bigger smile on my face. He takes my hand and guides me to the middle of the room to dance.
We don't talk through the dance but it doesn't matter my mind has a million more questions than my heart and mouth do.
Why is my heart racing? Why would Alex want to dance with me? When did he learn to dance? Everything's so nice with him. I can't imagine not seeing his smile. I take in the scent of his shirt with every breath I take, switching my head occasionally between the nape of his neck or away from him. I ended up leaning my forehead against his shoulder my face not facing him. I feel him kiss my forehead.
Why does it have to be him? He's Dom's best friend. I can't do this to them. Sigh. My Conscience kicks in. The angels kicking my demons in the face. You deserve to be happy. Your happiness is Alex. I could feel tears swelling in my eyes.
As the song ends, I pull away from Alex, so he can't see my tears. I don't want him to see me cry.
"Hey." Alex gentle turns my head towards him, wiping the tears. "What's wrong?" He whispers softly and so sweet. His expression concerned and worried.
"I--- I....." I look down, more tears running down my cheeks.
He pulls me into a hug, this one longer than the rest. I just stand there with my hands covering my face and against his firm chest. I didn't know what to say. Alex is the most amazing guy ever he just held me for a few minutes until I calmed down, whispering things like 'I've got you' , 'it's okay.' and 'I won't let you go.' I wish those things were true. I really do.
I stop crying a few moments later. "Sorry." I say as he wipes my tears, my hands across my chest like an insecure kid.
There are so many emotions. So much I much I want to tell him. What I feel with him and not with Dom. How Sam's kinda being a shitty best friend. The hate mail. But I don't want him worrying it's just too much all at once. I've bottled it all inside and now I've let almost all of it out here.... with Alex.
"It's alright." He leans his forehead against mine, his heat from breath on my lips. This is what heaven is? I feel his lips brush softly against mine. Then a gentle warm kiss from him, the palm of his large hand on my cheek, the other on my waist pulling me in. No this is it. It's him. And I don't care anymore. I want more. I want him.
