Remember how I used to be. How it used to be. Who I was. Before Dom. Before I moved in with Sam. I knew Alex before both things.
"I missed you." Alex says sweetly, pulling me into a hug. I hug him back, taking in his scent, feeling every muscle of his body flex around me.
"Me too." I whisper softly. I tilt my head up smiling at him receiving a gentle kiss. One saying I love you or I need you.
I have one hand on the back of his neck the other on his chest as we kiss. His hands trailing down my spine to my lower back pulling me in for more. I kiss him more passionately and deeper than before. The soft kisses turning rough and lustful, descending from his lips to his neck. His right hand now on my ass.
"Dean." He gasps. "Dean."
"DEAN!!" Sam shouts waking me. "God damn you're so fucking hard to wake up. Have you heard from Alex?" She asks holding my phone. I sigh rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"What?" I inquire, blocking the sun from my eyes.
"My fucking boyfriend is texting you 'i need to see you' instead of me." She says angrily. "Is it because you two fucked?" She asks, hand on her hip, waving my phone around. "You're such a slut, Dean."
"Woah! What!?! What are you talking about? I just woke up." I state.
"You know it's true. Don't play like you didn't. Dom came to me saying he thought you did and I believe him because you didn't go see him yesterday and Alex wasn't home all day yesterday." She almost growls.
"I didn't see Alex, yesterday. He stopped by to see you the other day when you blew him off for a party and you didn't come home that night. I texted your friend and she said you weren't there. But ya know I'm the 'slut'" I say without thinking.
"You know this is why I told everyone." She says.
"Told everyone what!?!" I demanded to know.
"Told everyone your little stories of who you sleep with. How many people at a time. Well it doesn't have to be the same night but I bet you'd try that." Sam blurts.
"You're the one? The one who started those rumours? You're supposed to be my best friend. I went to see Dom yesterday. Not Alex. I saw Alex the night before. We talked. Yesterday my mom stopped me at the mall. I spent the day with her."
"Well if you weren't such a slut I wouldn't have told everyone. They only asked because I was upset because we had sex." She says not regretting her actions. I feel my hand whip across her face, smacking her with force. I've never hit Sam before but she deserved it this time. I shoved her out of my room, changed, and packed my bags. Leaving to my moms new house.
I drive faster than I have in a while. Crying, not because I was upset but because I was hurt and so angry. That night was her. About 20 minutes later I pull up to my moms new fiancées house. I don't know what to expect or to say. What if he answers the door? I don't know him. What would I say?
Knocking didn't get an answer, so I rang the bell. Reluctantly my mother answered with a man around my age behind her.
"Uh..." I turn back around, walking to my car.
"Dean!" I feel her small soft hand pull me back and she wraps her arms around me. "It's okay." She says as Alex once had. But it's not okay. I hug my her back.
"Helen." The young mans voice echoes. "Is this the infamous, Dean?" He inquires, taking my bags.
"Yes it is." She responds. They both walk me inside. "Let's show her to her room, hunny." She says to the light haired man, he's about 26 or 27 just a few years older than I.
They walk me to my room, placing my bags by the door. I sit on the bed and give them a half smile.
"I feel like I'm intruding. I can go." I mumble. They shake their heads in sync. This is so weird.
"You just get settled in and meet us downstairs for dinner. Okay, baby?" She sings happily. I smile and give a short nod. As they leave the room I lay back on my new bed, closing my eyes.
Breathe. I tell myself. I wish I didn't do this to myself. This is completely my fault. Everything is my fault. If I was smart I would've just stayed with Alex. Never moved in with Sam. Got my own place and met Dom as a friend. But I'm not and I not only hurt myself I hurt all of them. I hurt the people I care for the most. I hurt them. Why? Why would I do this to them. I felt my chest start hurting from breathing and crying, my headache worsened. I stood up and popped a few pills. I didn't care how many the pain was so bad. I didn't know if I could do this anymore. I'm alone.
I took a short shower and let the pills kick in. I got out and managed to dress myself in some shorts and a half shirt. I felt like I was going to pass out. My head was spinning.
Why would I hurt them? How could I? Hurting them hurt me. I hurt myself.
"Hey baby." I hear my mom come into the room as I collapse onto the cold hard dark-red wooden floors.
I hurt me.
That's the last one until Thursday or Friday. I haven't decided yet. Tell me what you think in the comments.
