Letters to Harry

Chapter Four

Dear Haz,

This week has been absolutely awful. Niall and I aren't speaking with Zayn and Liam, and Liam broke his wrist after punching the wall outside of his apartment.

I can't believe that you didn't call me. I can't believe that you told Liam and Zayn and Niall and not me. Why not me, Harry? Do you  not love me as much as you said you did? Was everything we shared a sadistic joke?

Everything is falling apart without you, and I don't know what to do. We've announced to the fans that we're on a temporary hiatus, and that you're experiencing some family problems at the moment.

I hate lying to the fans. They've been nothing but supportive of us and our every move, and how do we repay them? We lie. I feel terrible because this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing with  my life. I'm not supposed to be lying to people and hurting them, I'm supposed to be helping them by making music and making a difference.

The only good thing that's come out of this whole fiasco is the fact that Niall and I are closer than ever. We talk, watch Disney movies together, and just hang out. It's comforting to have someone be there for me, but it's awful at the same time because he's not you, and his presence just reminds me that you're not here.

I miss you so much, Harry. I wish I knew where you are, but sending these letters will have to do. At least I don't feel like I've lost you completely.

I'm so scared I'm going to forget you, although I know in my heart I never could. I re-watch the old video diaries when Niall leaves to go pick up Nando's, just to hear you laugh. I miss the sweet, melodic sound of your voice. I  miss that tone you get when you tell me to pick up my shoes, or when you're calling me down for a cuppa. Or how when you're excited, you talk extremely fast and end up having to repeat yourself because no one heard you the first go round. I miss everything about you, but you being away has really given me a chance to understand how much I need you, and how much I took for granted.

Love you so much,

Lou

P.S. Come home soon, yeah? I love Niall to bits and pieces, but I can't cuddle with anyone but you.

As Harry read over the letter a second time, his hands began to shake uncontrollably. Soon, the tremors spread to the rest of his body and he began to cry. He dropped the letter and the envelope from his mother onto his bed and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, repeating his mantra.

"I will be strong. I will not hurt Louis. That's why I'm here, why I'm doing this. I was going to break my promise when I told him I never would. I'm going to keep my promise."

Sitting down, he picked up the envelope and began to put Lou's letter back into it carefully, but not before he noticed that there was a second letter inside the paper pocket. Curious, the curly haired boy unfolded it and began to read.

Harry,

I don't know why you left, or why you are where you say you are, but I hope you're getting better for Lou's sake. He's not talking to anyone but Niall, and I can't even get him to answer the door for me. Zayn has tried to call him countless times, he feels absolutely terrible, but he won't answer him either.

The worst thing is that Niall seems to have taken Lou's side. I guess it's for the better, because Louis needs someone there with him to keep him stable. It just hurts, you know? Having Niall mad at me. I guess I deserve it though, I almost outed where you were in the van on the way back from our interview. Lou was pissed that we knew something that he didn’t, and I just made it worse by saying a bunch of shit that I didn't mean.

I think I understand why you did it, why you left. I mean… If I had promised Niall, I would have done whatever I could to keep it. You're doing the right thing, even thought it might not seem like it to the rest of the boys.

As I write this, I realize that I do understand why you left. Emotions, feelings, whatever you want to call them, can be overwhelming and hard to handle. When you make promises that you know you have to keep, and they get in the way, it's hard. I'm glad you plan on keeping your promise Harry. I wish I was as strong as you.

All the best, come home soon!

Liam

P.S. I'm sorry for the shitty handwriting. It took me an hour to write this legibly because I broke my right wrist and the cast makes it difficult, so I had to use my left.. I bet you're wondering how I did it, yeah? Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that I punched a concrete wall after arguing with Louis… I'm so stupid.

Harry, homesick as ever, repeated the same mantra in hopes of preventing the tears welling up in his vibrant green eyes.

"I will be strong, I will not hurt Louis. That's why I'm here, why I'm doing this. I was going to break my promise when I told him I never would. I'm going to keep my promise."