Letters to Harry

Chapter Thirteen

Harry had just stepped out of the shower when he heard someone knocking on his door. He wasn't expecting any visitors, because he was leaving the treatment centre in three days. Who could it be? The curly haired boy wondered to himself, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking towards the entrance to his room.

"Hello?" Harry asked as he opened the door, not knowing what to expect on the other side. Unfortunately, he was met with a slap in the face. Literally.

"What the fuck?" the young boy exclaimed, bringing both hands up to his stinging cheek and completely forgetting about his towel.

"How could you, Harry? You broke your promise!" the person at the door half whispered brokenly. Looking up to see who it was, Harry's heart broke.

"Louis," he said, tears threatening to fall from his bright green eyes. "I've missed you so much!"

"No. Don't you try that with me. You're not going to make me forget with a few sweet words, you broke your promise, you broke me." Lou's eyes narrowed, examining the boy closely.

"Please Lou, I love you! Let me explain…" Harry pleaded, he didn't want to lose the one person he loved more than anything in the world. He couldn't afford to. He couldn’t live without Louis, without loving him. He'd tried… and look where that had gotten him.

"Well, I've got until visiting hours are over, so I'd hop on that if I were you." Lou sat himself on the floor, shifting his legs so that they were folded under him and waited patiently.

"Umm… Louis? If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of naked. Can I change first?"  Harry asked, slightly uncomfortable at being the only one in the room unclothed.

"Haz, it's nothing that I haven't seen before. Just, talk while you're dressing." the Doncaster lad reasoned, bringing to light the fact that he and Harry had history. Nodding, the younger boy proceeded to pick up a pile of clothes and

"It started around when you and Eleanor got together… I guess," He started, pulling on his boxers. "Since before the X Factor I had been struggling with my sexuality, but I hadn't really come to terms with it until then. I didn't have to worry about it. You weren't dating anyone. I wasn't jealous because I had no one to be jealous of.

"But when Eleanor came into the picture, everything fell apart. You didn't have time for me anymore. She was always around, cuddling in your arms, kissing you, the sounds from your bedroom kept me up at night. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I wasn’t... happy.I missed you, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were before Eleanor. That’s… when I turned to cutting." Louis gasped, no longer able to sit silently without crying.

"I knew… I knew it was my fault. That’s why you left me… because I pushed you away." The older boy cried, hanging his head in shame as he sobbed.

"NO! Lou-bear… none of this is your fault." Harry sat down next to Louis' shaking form and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his lap. "None of this is your fault… It's mine. I should have sat you down and talked to you about it. It's okay." he whispered in the other's ear, kissing his smooth cheek softly. "Shhh.. Lou I love you. Calm down." Harry began to rock them back and forth, then continued his story once Louis had calmed down.

"Well, that went on for a while… and eventually got so bad that I was thinking about ending it all. Because, I mean, what's life without you? If I can't have the one thing that I need, why even try anymore?" at this, Harry began to tear up as well, and both of the boys sat crying on the floor. "I was ready to do it. I had the pills set out on the counter, lined up in a nice straight row. I thought, Hey, It'll be like going to sleep and just not waking up. But then, I looked down, and saw your toothbrush next to mine in the cup, and saw your shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the shower caddy, and one of your stupid Toms behind the toilet, and I remembered the promise that I made you.

"When Aiden got eliminated from the X Factor, you came into the room, crying, and begged me to promise you that I'd never leave you. I promised. I promised that no matter what I would never, ever, under any circumstances, leave you alone. And I kept that promise, Louis. I didn't go through with it. I got help, I got better, so that I could stay with you and never break my promise. That’s why I left. I was just keeping my promise." Harry was now sobbing, as was Louis. They held on to each other for support, drawing strength from one another. Strength to forgive, strength to grow, strength to love, strength to move on.