Sign Language (BoyxBoy)

Chapter twenty-one: Goodbye

Nick's POV

It hurt. It was expected, but that didn't make the hurt any less. I had planned on staying for another month, but I was glad I could leave now, two weeks early. I'd arranged everything at work, Anne, Robert and Joey had found us a flat we could rent, I just had to sign the lease. I would've stayed for Lars, though. I would've loved to stay for him. Except that I didn't want to stay in Belgium for a boyfriend who hadn't spoken to me ever since I broke the news about me moving away to take care of my sister. I'm not even exaggerating. He hadn't said or signed a thing for two weeks. When I got back from work the day after he'd stormed out of our conversation, my suitcases had been in the hallway. All of my clothes, my CD's and books inside. I was lucky that Charlie had a spare room now her house mate was on a trip to Australia, so I stayed there for the remainder of my stay in Belgium. I texted him, emailed, even showed up at his house almost every night. But either Zoe opened the door, shaking her head sadly when she saw me, or Lars just threw the door shut in my face. I cried all day, really. It happened more often than not that I discovered it because there were tears falling down on the book I was reading, or on the notes I was taking. 

It sucked. I knew I could've done things differently. I knew this was hard on Lars, I knew this was everything he'd been afraid of. But I had no intention to leave him behind and never look back. I still wanted to make it work between us, even when we were in different countries. I had believed in it too. Because I didn't feel like I had a choice, not really. Joey was my sister, and I felt responsible for her. She needed me, and it was only right that I was there for her. Even if it meant that I couldn't be as close to my boyfriend as I wanted to.

But now I didn't even have a boyfriend anymore, so it didn't even matter. Except, in my head, it did.

Zoe was there, to see me off at the train station, and Silke and Charlie. I knew it had been silly to hope for some kind of romantic reunion on the platform, Lars running towards me and shouting that I couldn't leave. I still hoped for it though, but it was fruitless. He wasn't with the girls, and I knew he wasn't coming. So I said my goodbyes and heaved my ridiculous amount of luggage on the train, finding my spot before waving to them through the window. 

I was glad it was quiet in the carriage, only a girl about Joey's age with music blaring from her earphones loud enough that I could hardly hear myself thinking was two rows back, so nobody cared that I spent half the ride sobbing and sniffling. My choice for Joey was never intended to be a choice against Lars, but that was what it turned out to be.

Joey's POV

I felt selfish, when I spotted Nick on the platform. He was struggling with his luggage, so I ran over to where he was exiting the train to help him with it, engulfing him in a big hug first. I was so happy to see him, so happy to start this new chapter in my life, with him, my big brother. It wasn't until I let him go that I noticed how terrible he looked. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair a right mess and his smile looked strained. We hadn't talked about it, but the fact that Lars hadn't been in our skype chats added to the way Nick looked right now made it painfully clear that Lars didn't take Nick's departure very well. I felt selfish and guilty for being so happy while Nick was obviously miserable, but he had assured me repeatedly that he was sure of his decision, even yesterday evening, so there wasn't much I could do. 

Silke's POV

It was less bad, this time, opposite to what we all were expecting. Sure, Lars got drunk a lot, and I didn't want to know what he did or who he fucked when he went out without us, but at least he went out. With and without us, girls. He still looked sad and tired though. I doubted if he got much sleep at night, even a month after Nick's departure to England. I'd tried to talk to him, sure, but he wouldn't say anything, as usual. That was just how he worked, I supposed. I wouldn't give up though, maybe one day he would talk about it, and I knew Zoe wouldn't give up either. We had him, our Lars, we'd always have him.

Lars' POV

Alarm clock, shower, breakfast. Work, lunch, work, go home, dinner. Watch TV or listen to loud music, shower, go out, get drunk, get fucked, maybe, go home, go to bed. Sleep if exhausted enough.

That's what my days were like. I couldn't think. Wouldn't think. Especially about a curly headed guy who made me fall in love only to shatter me into a thousand pieces. I wouldn't. 

Shorty, I know, but otherwise I wouldn't know when I could finish and post this chapter, and I wanted to share this piece of incredible sadness with you already.

I promise happier times will come along. I think.