How to Forget

i have a crush on nat kingsley

Nat had a free period while I had math at the end of the day, so as soon as I am released from the prison of classes, I see a text from him instructing me to just meet him in the car. My hand clutching the strap of my backpack, I scan the parking lot and nod curtly once I spot the shiny black convertible belonging to the person I'm hunting amidst all these cars.

"Math sucked major ass today," I exclaim, starting to chatter from the moment I open the car door, but it is soon made apparent from the lack of reaction from Nat that he is not in the mood to chatter along with me.

His hand rests on the gear shift, endeavoring to complete the only task he needs to complete before he can fully relax at home, also known as driving, but his tears prevent him from clearly seeing the objects in front of him, and he doesn't wish for another car crash.

"Babe, what's going on?" I slide my hand across what I can reach on his back, and rub comforting circles as my mother does.

Nat wipes his tears away and sniffles in an attempt to compose himself and get us home. "Nothing. You just caught me off guard, is all."

"People don't burst into tears when they're startled." Nat is aware that he has been busted, but he sits there idly with his vision fixed ahead of him, so I push. "What's really going on?"

His jaw switches back and forth, but he eventually does speak, with his head finally towards me. "Everyone keeps telling me that they're so surprised that we ended up together, that someone like you could love someone like me, because they see who I am, who I was, and it doesn't match with you at all." He casts his eyes downward again.

I scramble to find something to say in order to take the blame off of Nat, to relieve him of the self-hatred he's experiencing. "No, I'm sure it's just...I'm sure it's the circle thing, like you said before."

"I don't deserve you," he murmurs.

My brows string together. "What? What are you talking about? Of course you deserve me. In fact, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. You're much more than I could've ever dreamed of."

Nat laughs that sort of dark laugh that doesn't denote any actual humor. "You lost your memory and your mind."

"Nat, people adore you. You're probably going to win prom king." I know winning prom king is a flimsy way to judge one's character and not just their looks, but it's all I can think of on the spot as an example of how the student body likes him, but it obviously means very little to him.

"Yeah, sure." Nat shifts his car into reverse, looks behind him with his arm clutching the passenger seat, and peels out of the parking spot.

The mood seems to have lapsed from melancholy to neutral, so I deem it permissible to turn on the radio to Nat's favorite rock station, hoping it'll cheer him up, and, just as I hoped, I detect a hint of a smile hiding in the corner of his lips, gradually growing the more I twist the volume knob.

"Thanks for always being there for me," he acknowledges randomly during the song.

"Shh, this is my favorite part," I hush him almost seriously, but then a mischievous smirk creeps onto my face, and Nat understands me perfectly well.

And if that ain't compatible, then I don't know what is.

~~~~~

A/N: damn how supportive

also ur gonna b seeing more lorde songs in here bc im in love

~Dakotortellini